Beautifully Broken. Gracefully Restored.: July 2009

It feels so great to be back in the US of A (even though I do miss Paris & Greece & all of my study abroad friends)! That said, I had the time of my life traveling abroad, but at the same time, I am also glad to be back into my daily routine. You don’t realize how good you have it, until you leave the U.S. for awhile!

After countless delays & missed flights, I got home a whole day later (Monday evening). I started summer school here in Lubbock the very next morning! Talk about being exhausted! Haha. I am only taking one summer class though, so it’s not too bad. It’s legal malpractice, & it is actually pretty interesting. Plus I am glad I have Amber, Tiffany, & Ceren in there to keep me sane!

So I guess let me give you a little update on the happenings of my life as of late. First off, I GOT GLASSES! Let me give you some background history on that. So I have always been super apprehensive of getting glasses. My little sister, K’lyssa has had them since the 5th grade. She looks way cute in them, too, but I’ve always thought, “if I ever had to get glasses, I would look like a complete dork! I just don’t have the ‘face’ for it!” I think everyone thinks that, too. Anyway, so there was a point in time where having glasses was “dorky.” I think times have changed, though, & having glasses is actually sexy! It makes a person look more intelligent and sophisticated. (Or maybe I am just trying to justify my own glasses…haha. Just kidding!). Anyway, so before law school I had 20/20 vision. Perfect. Could see everything. No problems. Well, I am not sure at what point my vision started to deteriorate, but I started noticing it in the spring semester. I was sitting in the auditorium at school watching some presentation, & I was at the back & realized I couldn’t see very well. When I covered my left eye, the words on the projector were blurry. However, when I covered my right eye, I could see them just fine. I have always had headaches & migraines (& will be plagued with them for the rest of my life), but I think my increase in headaches this semester was because of my failing vision in my right eye. So anyway..onto the story! So, to study abroad, we had to do a physical. Well, part of the physical included an eye exam. I was already having a bad day when I did the physical, & so when it got to the eye exam part, I refused to have someone tell me I also had crappy sucky vision! Haha. So when the lady wasn’t watching, I cheated by looking out of the webs of my fingers. (However, I still didn’t get a perfect score…) LOL. But, I decided to wait to go to the eye doc until after I got back from Paris.

Well, the day after getting back (Tuesday), I thought it was time to go check out just how bad it was. I went to the eye doc, & he told me I have two small astigmatisms in both eyes, & that I am nearsighted in my right eye. For those of you who don’t know what any of that means, don’t worry, google helped me out. So read below!

“Astigmatism is a common vision defect most often caused by an irregularly shaped cornea, which blurs & distorts eyesight. If you have astigmatism, welcome to the club! The vast majority of the world’s population has some astigmatism. The tendency to have or develop astigmatism is inherited and always accompanies nearsightedness or farsightedness. Sometimes both. People with minor astigmatism may believe to have a clear vision, but find they are squinting from time to time or suffering from headaches, eye strain, fatigue and blurred vision…”

Thank you google! So anyway, there you have it. Oh & I am nearsighted in my right eye..which is the inability of the eye to focus on distant objects. I wasn’t surprised at the diagnosis; I already knew my right eye sucked. But, I was still scared about getting glasses! Would they look good on me? Would I look like a dork? A 4 eyed freak? LOL Sounds silly but really..I just didn’t think I could pull off the “glasses look.” I tried on lots of different frames, all to no avail. Finally, I came across the coach ones..& fell in love! They were more expensive, obviously, since they are designer glasses, but I didn’t care because if I have to wear glasses frequently (the doc said I only have to wear them while in class or while I am reading..but since I’m in law school..that’s like…ALL THE TIME!..haha), I was going to make sure that they were cute. So I got them! Here are a few photos.

So there you have it, ladies & gents! I have gotten lots of compliments on my glasses & feel much more confident wearing them. I also feel more lawyer-like! haha. But, regardless, it still feels weird to wear my glasses because I feel like I have sunglasses on or something..& should take them off at any moment. However, it is gradually starting to feel more "right."

So enough of that! Last week I had to get adjusted to the 7 hour time diff. I slept A LOT when I didn't have class or wasn't at work. I felt like an old lady because I was going to bed super early every day! haha.

I had a great 4th of July. I went to the 4th on Broadway Parade with one of my best friends, Monica, & we met up with another one of my best friends...Amy! Amy is getting married in March, & Mon & I are both bridesmaids. We tagged along with Amy to do some wedding stuff, which was pretty cool. Then Mon & I went & had the best burgers ever for lunch, & then my gma & mom were both in town so I went & visited with both of them all afternoon. I don't really like WATCHING fireworks as much as I like DOING them..so I didn't watch any personally...just watched the TV & youtubed some. haha. I also went to go see that movie, "My Sister's Keeper." OMG if you go to see that movie, be prepared to cry your eyes out until you can cry no more! It was so sad! It's not just a cry once type of thing either. Oh no! They have tons of crying moments..jeesh! But regardless of my crying ball-bag moments, it was a great movie.

I love catching up with old friends. Last week I got to hang with Monica on multiple occasions, & it was great! She is a nurse & works nights & so our schedules don't usually coincide with one another. So I was super excited to hang out with her like 3 days in a row! And then one of my other best friends, Denise, (who I haven't seen in a whole YEAR!!!) was randomly in town yesterday! She is about to go work on a cruise ship for several months as a youth program coordinator. Anyway she last minute on the fly came to Lubbock, & was only in town very briefly. She had her cell phone turned off already since she is about to leave the country, but since she knows I check my email religiously, she was able to get a hold of me to let me know she was in town. Here are a few pictures!

So..the line of the night has to do with this picture.
Denise: "I can't make a good kissy face; I'm not a good kisser."
Me: "Pff neither can I..apparently. After all, I'm still single."
hahahaha. You had to be there. We both laughed so hard.

Yes, we are BOTH Red Raider Alumni! (see our blingin' college rings?!!) And I'm still a Red Raider!

Love this one!

So I feel like a little world traveler this summer. I am usually the girl who doesn't go ANYWHERE, who is always stuck working while everyone else is having fun or on vacation. But not this summer! In addition to already going to France, Belgium, & Greece, I am now going somewhere else! CABO SAN LUCAS, MEXICO!

I am so excited! It was a really last minute random trip for me, as in...I just booked it the other day, haha. But one of my friends' parents has a timeshare in Cabo, & so we are gonna go stay there for a whole week! When I found out about the trip, I was a little hesitant at first, just because I figured it would be super expensive, & because my bank account is a little drained after Europe & summer school. But, I checked flights, & found one for only $330 bucks ROUNDTRIP, so I couldn't pass it up. We are leaving on August 10th & coming back August 17th. So I'll be there for a whole week. This will feel like a REAL vacation, too, because I won't have any school or anything AT ALL! Plus, it's perfect timing because the fall semester starts August 24th, & once that happens, I won't have a life at all!

Okay so I have more to say. The stuff I now want to discuss is more PERSONAL. I guess let me start off with a disclaimer, first. This is my JOURNAL. I used to write in one by hand all of the time, but now because of the hectic/business of life, it is more convenient to just do a blog. Yes this is public. Yes anyone can read it if they want to. And no, I don't care. However, you must understand that writing is a way for me to express myself..to clear my mind...& just get everything all out. Some of my thoughts may not be rational, logical, or make sense, but it's a direct reflection of how I am feeling at the time or what I am going through. So read at your own risk! :)

Now, something that is really getting on my nerves. My DAD. For all of you who know me, and know me WELL, you know that I don’t exactly have the most ideal relationship with my dad. He has been in/out of my life more times than I can count. I feel like he only really comes around whenever me or my sisters are graduating. Well, since I still have 2 more years until my next “big” graduation…guess I won’t be seeing him much. HA. Okay..had to be sarcastic there. Anyway, so after years of seeing how he is & realizing that he chooses WOMEN over his children, I have tried not to let it bother me or get to me or make me angry anymore. Sometimes when everything piles up all at once with life in general & school, I think about it, though, & then I get upset! So I am going to do a little venting here. So I find out last night, that my dear old dad was in town. Yup. As in..oh I dunno, 10 miles away from me? Yeah & apparently he was here for about a week. Funny story though..he didn't CALLED my sisters & I at all. I am really getting TIRED of being put on the backburner. My entire life it has been that way with him. I am always so nice to him & it really takes a lot to get me angry, but I think that one day..I will have my breaking point. I had a small breaking point my senior year of high school, but that will be nothing compared to the breaking point I am bound to have one day because this crap keeps continuing. I wonder if he is still in town. I am almost tempted to call him later & just be like, "hey..where are you?" Just to see what he says. Ten dollars says he either lies..or stutters because he'll know that I know.

So the most important life lesson that I have learned lately, stems from the quote, “Don’t make someone a priority, when all they make you is an option.” This is so true and applies to SEVERAL people in my life right now…not just my dad. I guess what I am getting at is that I am tired of people just dragging me along & using me for as long as they feel like it..& then discarding me like I’m some piece of trash when they don’t need me anymore…until something else big happens. I am tired of trying to talk to people about things that are important to me, only to have them avoid me because it's not a convenient part of the day for them to talk about it. I am tired of caring so much about other people & not having that same care back.

SO, I am putting a stop to it.

I am now being the woman that I want to be..not the subdued woman that some people probably wish for me to be. I am a strong girl & have realized just how independent I can be. I can get along just fine by myself. I have my focus back..& it is school. I don’t need any petty distractions along the way..such as jerkface boys or flaky people. So if that’s you, look the other way.

Okay. Whew. I feel much better now. haha. And now I am taking this blog on a different tune. Kind of goes hand in hand with what I said above. First, I am really amazed at where I am at in my life right now. It has now been almost 7 months since "the breakup," & I cannot believe I am who I am today. I feel like I was just a little girl 7 months ago (even though I know that is not true). But seriously! Wow! I am in awe at how much I have grown..strength wise, perseverance wise, and faith wise. It's like one day, & I'm not exactly sure when, maybe it was a few days after being in Paris, but one day..I woke up and finally got it. Get what you ask? Well, all of my life, I have always wondered why I have had to go through so many trials and tribulations. I know everyone does, but seriously, I sometimes feel like I have gone through much more than your average 23-year-old. So naturally, after going through the HECK of a semester that I did, I couldn't help but look up at the sky, & ask...WHY? Why me, God? Why now?

I get it.

As long as God has me on this earth, I will always encounter & endure many trials & tribulations. So will people rich and poor alike, young and old, black and white. But, here is the key. As long as I call upon HIM, and praise HIM, it is guaranteed that everything will be okay. Things may not always work out the way I want it to. In fact, I am telling you right now..it DOESN’T! But instead, it works out the way GOD wants it to. And let’s be real people—God does NOT make any mistakes!

But it doesn't stop there.

Trials and tribulations do not automatically make you stronger. If you think that, then you are dead wrong! Trials and tribulations come to test your faith. This means that trials BATTLE your faith. And if your faith is not fighting back, you are not winning. It's just like a test that you have in school. You can either pass it..or fail it. And in life, you pass the test of faith by OVERCOMING each trial, not by keeping the trial.

So I get it. I really do.

At a time in my life where some people might have quit, given up, or just dwelled on the past, I kept on going. I knew that I had to. I don't know what people who don't have God in their lives do. I don't know who they turn to when life gets hard, or where the source of their strength comes from. But that's not important now. What's important is where the source of MY strength comes from. It comes from spiritual growth, which, is gained from trials of faith. Ahhh..I get it!

BOTTOM LINE: I get it.

The question is...DO YOU?