Goodbye to You

2009=A year of growth and change. I have learned so much this year. I have never felt more confident in who I am and what I want in life. I have lived, laughed, loved, and cried this year. But at the same time, I've had my heart broken. Again. 2008 and 2009. And...it's time to make 2010 different. A better year than before. So? I'm chunkin' up a deuce to a lot of things/people in my life. Out with the old..and in with the new...

Therefore, I find this picture very fitting :)

Friends truly are the sunshine of life. I was super upset awhile ago, and one of my friends just told me the best piece of advice I've ever heard. Her exact words:

You weren't in the same relationship. That should answer ALL your questions. Besides, here is an awesome thought: The right guy is out there right now, wondering when he's going meet someone just like you. Someone who IS you.

Aww I love my friends! I needed to hear that. She's right though.

Reminds me of this quote from He's Just Not That Into You. "Anyone who assesses you or your realtionship as "disposable" is not worthy of your time or tears." Very true.

I think I will end this blog short and sweet and to the point with these lyrics by Michelle Branch.

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time

Goodbye to you...

Happy birthday Jesus!

This has been a very eventful Christmas day. I almost got into several car accidents due to the horrible road conditions from the snow storm. The first one was on my way home, someone slammed on their brakes in front of me & since we were on ice, I couldn't stop & ended up sliding off of the road & into the ditch! Then the second time was when I was on my way back to my apartment. I was driving & someone pulled over into my lane & again I was on ice. I swerved to try to miss them & almost went off & hit the guard rail & all of the leftover food that my mom sent home with me went flying into the floorboard of my car. Scary! I also had a flat tire today...& it just so happened to be on the side that I got hit on when I had my wreck, & the shop that fixed my car didn't put my tire back on right, & the hub cab was covering up the little air tube..so my uncle had to use some handy dandy tools to take that all off just so we could put air in it. Then tonight..(just now) my sisters & I saw smoke coming from the apartment directly above ours (the room right above mine) & had to call 911. The fire department came & broke the window to get into the place & I guess put out whatever it was. But jeez..wow..what an eventful day. haha. I am also sick & feeling pretty yucky...but you know what? I cannot complain because no matter how bad things get, they could always be worse! I am a very lucky & blessed girl & I have so many amazing people in my life to be thankful for. Plus I am alive & I have made it to see 23 wonderful years of life on this earth thus far. Pretty freakin' spectacular if ya ask me! :)

So today is a pretty remarkable day. It's not just any ole day. It's CHRISTMAS! Jesus' birthday! Christmas is not about Santa Claus or about reindeer. Christmas is the celebration of the birth of Jesus Christ. His birth changed the whole world! I know everyone loves to give gifts on Christmas and also receive them. That is part of the tradition at Christmas. BUTTTTT, just as you give gifts to your loved ones, God gives us a gift as well: the gift of complete forgiveness, freedom from sin, and eternal life with Him in Heaven. The gift of salvation! And, just as we have to accept the gifts that our loved ones give us, we also have to accept God's amazing gift to us, too! So, this is Christmas: not the tinsel, not the giving and receiving, not even the carols, but the humble heart that receives anew the wondrous gift, the Christ. That, my friends, is what this wonderful holiday is all about!

I know my family had a very humble Christmas this year, but I can honestly say that I have never been happier. I enjoyed their company and was just happy to have each one of them there, alive, well, and in good spirits. That's what really counts. I wish I could give my family the world. One day, I hope I will be able to (once I become a big hot-shot lawyer!) :) I think that my first few paychecks as a lawyer will be devoted to helping my family out & giving back to them for all of the things that they have done for me. After all, I would have never made it this far without them!

No matter how "simple" my Christmas 2009 might have appeared to others, I will always remember it. Not only did I enjoy my family's company & relish in happiness with them, but this Christmas, one of my dreams..a dream that I have had for a very long time..finally came true! I got to go to New York City at Christmas time WHILE it was snowing! Now how amazing is that?!!!!! It's something that I have always wanted to do, something that only people in the movies get to do, it seems. And I got to go there with someone that I really love & care about! So even better! I had so much fun while there. I got to go ice skating at Rockefeller, went to Central Park, went to Liberty Island & to see the Statue of Liberty, went to Macy's, walked around Times Square, went to Bryant Park, experienced some delicious NY pizza, went to China Town & got my "hustle" on..haha...& so much more! It was truly a fun time! I hope the person that took me on that trip knows how great of a time I had & how truly grateful I am for everything that they did for me. I may not always be the best at showing it, but it really did touch my heart. No one, and I repeat NO ONE, has ever done anything like that for me, not ever, and I will hold those memories that were made there in NYC in my heart for always. 2 Timothy 1:3 I thank God for you—the God I serve with a clear conscience, just as my ancestors did. Night and day I constantly remember you in my prayers. :)

It's almost 2010. Can you believe it?!!! I know I certainly can't. Heck, I can still remember back in 1999 when my small little mind thought "oh my, what will the world be like once it hits the 2000 year mark?!" And now here I am...a decade after the fact...and a year and a half away from graduating from law school. Who knew? Anyway, this New Years, I have several resolutions that I am going to make & I plan on keeping them for once. I want to share them a little bit.

First, I want to cultivate a better relationship with myself. I think in the past I have set aside my career or personal goals for my significant others or just for other people in general. I think a lot of people are guilty of that. Maybe for some people it works. But for me, it doesn't. I personally think that it sets me back in terms of my success because I spend all of my energy on my relationship instead of dispersing it equally. So my New Years resolution is to love myself and take care of myself FIRST prior to loving anyone else. If I am not happy with myself, I'll find myself in unhealthy and potentially destructive relationships. Like Carrie said in Sex in the City, "The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous."

Secondly, I want to quit worrying. I think I worry so much about what tomorrow holds or what the distant future might be, that I get caught up. After all, Luke 12:25 says Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And it's so true. I need to start FULLY giving all of my worries to God by recognizing that He has ultimate control & say over my life. Only He knows who I am going to marry (regardless of how my heart feels), where I am going to work one day, where I am going to live, ect. So I might as well let go of the things that I cannot control, and let God do HIS will!

Thirdly, I want to enjoy life more. This kind of goes hand in hand with worrying. If I stopped worrying, I would easily be able to enjoy life more. I want to just go with the flow & have that carefree nonchalant attitude that I usually have, but for always & in everything. One of the hardest lessons I have learned (more recently more than ever) is that I have no control over my life. God does. So no matter how badly I want someone or something to work out in my life or go a certain way, God has ultimate control. I think what I have learned lately, too, is that when I try to fix things myself, those things end up failing miserably because I am a sinner by nature & am therefore destructive. The truth is..I cannot do anything on my own! I need God's help! I have several situations/things in my life that need prayer, & I am praying on those things & trusting in Him, & that is all I can do. Forcing those things to work or trying to make those things happen will not be successful. So I need to just let go & live life, & what is meant to happen will happen on it's own..& in GOD's timing (which is perfect) & not in my own. That's part of enjoying life. That & I want to just live this year to the fullest. I want to study abroad again this summer in Italy, take a few chances, try some new things, train for a half marathon, ect. The sky is the limit!

Fourth, I want to become less emotional. I think I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I am very sensitive because of that. I want to put a "protective covering" around my heart, & not be so forthcoming with my feelings..because it seems like my feelings are sometimes too straightforward & at this point probably are too much to handle anyways because how I feel may not be how the other person feels either.

Fifth, I want to be more and more like a Proverbs 31 woman. I want to be the best woman of God that I can be..not only for God and for myself..but also in preparation for my future husband one day.

Sixth, I want to stop using bad words completely! I usually only cuss when I am upset or angry, but I want to cut bad language out altogether because those words are certainly not very Christian like!

Seventh, I want to stop over-analyzing everything so much. Now, to stop completely. I think, would be next to impossible because that is an integral part of my psyche. I think I am analytical by nature (& so are a lot of lawyers in general). However, I also think that is a great quality to have WHEN it is used within reason. BUTTTTT, I sincerely believe that I over think and over analyze everything I do. It really disrupts many aspects of my life, especially my relationships. I can't ever just enjoy the moment without constantly predicting and doubting everything. I need to learn to just let go and let the chips fall into place themselves. Easier said than done, of course, but hey, whose perfect? I am working on it! :)

Eighth, I want to have clear goals for myself & achieve them. I feel like my last "big goal" was getting into law school & now that I am here, I haven't really though about much else...except occasionally the whole job idea...what I wanna do after I graduate, ect. Well, I have always made goals for myself & achieved them. Why not make a few more goals & make them happen? I need to make a list of immediate (short-term goals) I wish to achieve & also some long-term goals, as well. I can even come up with a man-plan! Yes goals can go also apply to relationships! Hey, if I am not pro-active about what I want & when I want it..who will be? Even though God has ultimate control & say in who I eventually end up with, I can at least be pro-active about it & try to keep the person who has my heart.

That leads me to my next NY resolution. Number nine. Being realistic. I think sometimes I live in this fairy tale world where everything is perfect, there are leprachauns & rainbows (lol) & nothing ever goes wrong. But ding ding ding..reality check please! That is sooo not how things really are! In fact, things are far from that. I have to realize and accept that some of the things I want in my life or for my life may never happen. I may think I know who it is I want to marry, I may think I know what is going to happen tomorrow, I may think I know that I am going to live "happily ever after" in EXACTLY 5 years or have a baby by the age of 28, ect. But realistically speaking, I don't know any of that. Tomorrow is never guaranteed. I might die tomorrow. Who knows! So I just have to accept that there are some things in my life that will never "work themselves out" (at least not in the way that I want). BUT in the same breath, I trust in God & know that whatever plan He has for my life is bigger AND better than anything that I personally could ever imagine, want, or dream up for myself. So that notion in itself keeps me happy :)

Tenth, I want to start realizing my self-worth and not just realizing it, but actually knowing it.

Wanna' please; wanna' keep; wanna' treat your
woman right?
Not just dough, but a show, that you know she's
worth your time
You will lose, if you choose, to refuse to put her first
She will if she can find a man who knows her worth!

(Chorus)
'Cause a real man knows a real woman when he
sees her (when he sees her)
And a real woman knows a real man
Ain't 'fraid to please her (please her)
And a real woman knows a real man always
comes first (first)
And a real man just can't deny
A woman's worth (a woman's worth)
-Alicia Keys, "A Woman's Worth"

With that said...I need to realize that I am a phenomenal woman & that I have a lot to offer to other people, this world, and in a relationship! There is not another person out there who is just like me. I am one of a kind. I was created by my Lord and Savior that way. I am precious in His eyes. And I am worth the wait. I may be a pain the butt sometimes, I may be stubborn, I may act irrationally sometimes, but gosh dangit I am WORTH it. I am WORTH all the hardship & troubles because my good qualities outweigh my bad. I am a diamond in the rough, a needle in the haystack. Some people may not realize this until it is too late. But that's okay. Because I know, and my God knows. And God says that I am worth it. No matter how much I fail, no matter how much I sin, God never leaves me or foresakes me. He never turns his back on me. He never tells me "Sorry my child, you're too much for me." No. None of that. He loves me anyway. And I need to start loving me some ME too. I need to realize that yeah I'm not perfect, but so what, who is? And at the end of the day, I have a lot to offer. Good girls like me are hard to come by, & I think I have a lot of qualities that are very hard to find these days. I need to stop looking in the mirror & letting my imperfections or what other people may point out on me get to me & bring me down. I need to realize my worth. I'm worth it. God thinks I'm worth it. Stop & ask yourself..do you think I'm worth it? Do you realize MY worth? Or even your own self-worth? You know what..hold the phone girlfriend..doesn't even matter...because all that matters is that God thinks I'm worth it. :) And I need to start thinkin that I'm worth it, too!

And Eleventh, and most important, I want to continue to strengthen my relationship with God! My journey with Christ is far from perfect and can definitely use some spiritual growth. I want to become more faithful and more Christian like..& I want the Holy spirit to be so alive in my heart...so passionate in my soul..that it's contagious & everyone can see it and feel it! :) It's not easy being a Christian in this world. It's not supposed to be, though. In fact...read 1 Corinthians 4:9.
Because it seems to me, that God has put us who bear His message on stage in a theater in which no one wants to buy a ticket. We're something everyone stands around and stares at, like an accident in the street. We're the Messiah's Misfits.

Twelve, I want to train for a half marathon! And I am going to do it! And I am going to totally run one THIS year. 2010. Yes..I am going to make it happen!



How's that for resolutions?!!!

I am going to end this blog with one of my fav. Mariah Carey songs of all time..a song that I feel is very fitting for the moment & how I feel right here..& right now. Watch & listen below.

* Be mindful what you toss away, be careful what you push away, and think hard before walking away...

Is the last person you texted single?
yup

Do you get jealous easily?
nope

Are you wasting your time on the person you like?
good question

What are you currently waiting for?
lots of things. mostly for school to be over with this semester...& for someone to make up their mind.

Do you think more about the past, present, or future?
future..although i need to focus more on the present & take everything one day at a time...

Honestly, do you really love the last person you said I love you too?
yup

Is anything wrong with your eyes?
no..just that my right eye isn't 20/20 anymore...

Do you have nice eyes?
i think so

Have you ever received a love letter more than a page long?
yupppp

If something was wrong who would be the first girl you'd go to?
maritza..cuz she's here & she's been through so much & completely understands me!

Is this year the best year of your life?
no.

How do you feel about Dr Pepper?
it's my fav..but i never drink soda...try to stay away from em...

Do you go to the tanning bed on a regular basis?
def not, i have a natural tan!

Have you ever thought someone died, when they really didn't?
yeah.

Does your bedroom need cleaning?
yeah..i need to dust.

Are you comfortable with your height?
yeah. i wish i was a little bit taller..but hey we can't have it all right?

Do you act differently around the person you like?
nope. i'm just me.

Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
oh i know several people do...

Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?
yes sir...

Do you like thunderstorms?
no, they scare me.

How fast does your mood change?
not very often. im not the kind of person who is hot one minute & cold the next. i'm usually pretty happy go lucky unless you make me very angry...

Are there things that can't be joked about with you?
a few things...like my weight among others.

What do you always take with you?
phone

When is your birthday?
May 5

Anything on your walls?
yup

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months or more?
i def can. the real question is can the other person?

Do you crack your knuckles?
haha yup

Do you feel comfortable getting up and giving speeches?
yup. guess i'd have to be comfortable..being that i am going to be a lawyer one day & will one day be in the court room....

Does anyone know your passwords besides you?
no, but i'm sure my ex could probably guess them. he knew me very well & once u know one password of mine..u know them all. hah.

Have you ever kissed someone in the rain?
nope, but i'd like to.

What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had?
water

I bet you miss somebody right now?
yup.

Do you think anyone misses you right now?
Honestly, I'm not so sure. I wonder that...

Do you have a box where you keep all your important things?
mhmmm

Can you count past 100?
of course. that'd be kind of...worriesome if i'm half way through with law school & couldn't.

If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?
if i had the gear

Are you afraid of shots?
not afraid to get them, just afraid of needles

Is there someone you can tell anything to?
yup

At this moment in time if you HAD to have someone's name tattooed on you, who would it be?
Jesus

Has anyone called you perfect before?
yup..but i'm far from it.

Do your best friends parents like you?
yes. they love me.

Are any of your friends taller than you?
oh yeah most def. like a good chunk of them. haha.

Do you prefer the ocean or pool?
ocean

Ever really cried your heart out?
yup. just the other day, actually.

Are you the same person as you were at the beginning of 2009?
not at all

Is there a difference between love and IN love?
yup. a very STARK difference.

Have you ever been on a motorcycle?
never

Does it bother you when someone says they will call you and they don't?
yes. what good is a man without his word? if you say you're going to do something, DO IT. it's not a difficult concept...

Do you speak any other language other than English?
mas o menos espanol....pero mi espanol es no perfecto...

Did 2008 treat you good?
yes.

Do you think you were raised well?
very much so..thanks to my mom & gma.

Are you someone's best friend?
yes.

Where was the last place you were when you got sick?
home. i'm kinda sick right now..allergies. :(

What's your favorite super-hero?
GOD :)

Pen or pencil?
pen

Do you get bad headaches?
yes..migraines.

Does it matter if your boyfriend/ girlfriend smokes?
yes. i hate smoking. it's disgusting & is def a turn off...

Do you think two people can last forever?
yup..but only if they are willing to work at it...

Do you consider yourself lucky?
not lucky..blessed.

Is there someone that cares about you more than themselves?
i hope

If someone walks away from you, do you let them?
i will def put up a fight for em because i think if u love anybody, u should at least try to keep them from leaving u. but really, it's their choice. & i think that just cuz someone leaves u does NOT in & of itself necessarily mean they don't love u..rather, it's about their COMMITTMENT to love. they obviously didn't have that part of it. but i also think that actions speak louder than words...& leaving someone, indefinitely, to me, only says one thing.....

Has a song ever made you cry?
yes.

A book ever made you cry?
yes.

Is your handwriting large, tiny, or pretty normal?
pretty normal

Your phone rings, what do you say?
hello or yo

Ever been on a basketball or Volleyball team?
yes to both

Is your birthday on a holiday?
yes..Cinco de Mayo

Do you ever cry during romantic movies?
sometimes

Do you always answer your phone?
most of the time

Is there someone you wish you were still close with?
yup

Where do you see yourself in the next 3-5 years?
Uh wow. Good question. I'll have graduated law school..taken the bar...& should be moving to wherever I get a job..unless I am like engaged & about to get married..then I guess I'd be moving wherever made the most sense. But..dont' see that one happening anytime in the near future...so graduating law school & getting a job whether it is with a law firm or with the FBI...is my plan...

What annoys you the most?
Racist people, ignorance, people who think they know me, arrogance, no manners (smacking with your mouth open, not saying excuse me when you burp, ect.), when someone tells me they are going to do something & then don't, ect.

What's are the three most important aspects of any relationship, in your opinion?
God, communication, & trust

When is the last time someone asked you out on a date?
Yesterday.

When will your next date be?
Who knows.

What's your favorite color?
Pink

Favorite season?
Summer, but I love all the wardrobe possibilities for winter.

"Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; His love endures forever." Psalm 107:1

The 3 Selmon Sisters on Turkey Day!!!


Again, with Kayla's camera!

"The Lord will either calm your storm...or allow it to rage while He calms you..."

Well here I am once again…sleepless night, great music, thoughts constantly running through my mind. So much has been on my mind lately, I don’t even know where to start. For the first time in my life, I am scared about my future. I don’t know what I want to do with my life anymore. I’ve always been a planner & a go getter, I’d have my eye on the ball & go out & get it. When I graduated from high school, I just knew I wanted to be a psychology major. So that’s what I declared. After doing psychology for awhile (which was very interesting, I may add) I realized how much research was involved & decided that I hated it & that it wasn’t for me. So what did I do? I changed my major to sociology with a concentration in criminology, minor in English. Best decision I could have ever made. I loved my classes. I always knew since the age of 12 that I wanted to go to law school. It still awes me that I have made it this far, that the dream I had when I was a little girl is now coming true. I have always had a love for criminal law. I get so excited about it when I am at work dealing with a case or clients or reading a criminal court case in my book. Criminal law is my passion. However, more recently, I have decided that I don’t think I want to practice law for the rest of my life. I know what you’re thinking. What? Are you serious? Really? Why? Well, let me explain. Before coming to law school, I always said that I never wanted to practice law for the rest of my life. And now that I have done the whole law firm thing & do legal research & write papers all the live long day for the attorneys I work for…I have realized that my prior statement holds true. I can’t do this forever. I want to do it for awhile & then work for the government or join the FBI. So basically I think I want to dedicate my life to public service of some sort. Not the best pay in the world as far as salaries for attorneys go, but I’m not concerned about the $$. I’m concerned about my happiness. I really feel like this is what I am destined to do with my life. However, I know that no matter what, God is watching out for me. He has a plan bigger than I could ever imagine, & eventually it will all play out. Just gotta be patient & trust in Him!

Have you ever felt emotionally distant from someone? Whether it is with a friend, a family member, or your significant other? Perhaps you feel that the other person just isn’t “there” somehow, when you are no longer able to connect with them? You feel like you’re talking to & sharing your honest feelings with a wall..&when that person offers a response to whatever you say, it’s remote, guarding, lacking in intimacy...

Here’s where the many psychology classes that I took in vain come into play. Ever heard of Sigmund Freud? He’s a famous neurologist who founded the school of psychology. Very smart man. Also kind of weird (but that’s besides the point..ha!) Anyway, here are 4 ways people who are emotionally distant usually respond. This is in terms of a personal relationship, but these very responses apply to every day relationships with friends & family, as well.

Projection. "Me, distant? No way! You're distant, you're hardly ever home, and you never initiate conversation." She assigns her feelings to him so she doesn't have to face that she no longer connects with her partner. Her feelings are pushed outside of herself, which alleviates anxiety and tension because her feelings are expressed and admitted – but not accepted as her own.

Denial. "You're crazy! We're just as close as we were when we got married. You don't know what you're talking about." She refuses to admit the reality of the emotional distance. You know you no longer connect with your partner, and you're certainly not crazy! This defense mechanism is the opposite of repression, which releases control from internal pressures. Denial releases control from external pressures.

Reaction formation. "Emotionally distant? But I love you and want to be near you all the time. Can we spent the weekend together, just the two of us?" She's convinced herself that there are no problems in the relationship; she loves her partner more than ever and doesn't admit not connecting with her partner. True feelings are hidden because they're too hard to handle. She does a complete about face, becoming extremely solicitous, loving, and attentive.

Repression. "Distant? I have no idea what you're talking about. We talk every day, don't we?" She's repressing her feelings. It's not a conscious, deliberate forgetting; it's unconscious. She may not even be aware that she's shutting her partner out and becoming more emotionally distant; she just has a desire to subdue her impulses. This leads her to no longer connect with her partner.

Have you experienced any of those? I'm pretty sure everyone has at some point in their lives. I feel right now some people are being emotionally distant from me, & it really bothers me. Especially when it is unexplainable. I heard once that the real silent killer of a relationship with anyone isn’t fighting; it’s distancing yourself away from that person. Does that surprise you? It’s amazing how much what you don’t say to someone or don’t FEEL for someone or don’t SHOW for someone…affects them. Emotional distance can destroy any relationship or change the dynamics of it completely. It can also cause unhappiness or cause the other person to confide emotionally in someone else. For relationships, that would be emotional cheating! (& yes I do believe that there is a such thing as that!) Anyway, it's super frustrating when you try to talk to that person, try to tell them what's on your mind,that you're not crazy, that they are actually pushing you away, that you are noticing it, that you really don't like the way it is making you feel, that a person can only push you so far before there is no point of return, that that person isn't treating you like they were before, ect...yeah it's super frustrating when you try to tell that person & they won't listen or become immediately defensive about the whole situation. Colbie Caillat said it best:

"Take time..to realize...."

So true! I've realized a lot lately that you can't make someone do anything. You can't make someone want to talk to you. You can't make someone want to say something. You can't make someone love you or feel any other emotion towards you. You can't make someone SHOW you that they care (whether it is through cards, flowers, or anything else). You can't even make someone think about you. All you can do is hope & pray that eventually that person will come around & that God's will, will be done. Amen..

Next on my mind. I had a very interesting convo tonight with one of my very best guy friends. After listening to him talk about some girl drama he has going on, he made the following statement:

“Women are just too emotional.”

I’m generally not fond of stereotypes, yet there is one that really drives me insane! (And I seem to have heard it a lot lately!) Anyway, I think that phrase is a gender stereotype. I know from experience that some men are more emotional than women. However, society states that females are more driven by emotions. To say that being emotional is just a female trait is very ignorant & uneducated. Perhaps females are more capable of showing emotion because it is more acceptable. If a man were to admit to crying, he would be mocked & have his masculinity challenged. Shouldn’t there be a balance between emotions & logic? I believe there should be a combination of both traits in order to effectively represent the wishes of others with a level head. To be simply logic driven would result in an impersonal & cold approach to others. I think that society has shaped who shows emotions the most in our world and that would be women. What’s more is that a woman has hormones raging through her body once a month when George from Red River comes to visit. Not so fun. I wish a guy could walk a day in a woman’s shoes. Then they might get it. It’s like that song by Beyonce, “If I were a boy.”

But you’re just a boy you don’t understand.
And you don’t understand, oh.
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her.
You don’t care how it hurts.
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you’re taking her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed.
But you’re just a boy….

Anyway. So I was thinking about how far I have come in terms of my faith over the last year. It's been almost a year since the infamous breakup...& the woman that I am today is so far away from the woman I was this time last year. I have grown up so much, experienced heart break, independence, new opportunities, & also a new love. I've felt what it feels like to be at the bottom & experienced what it's like to be at the top. God has truly blessed me & has put some pretty amazing people in my life; people that will never realize how much of a blessing they truly are to me. The road I am on in terms of my faith is not some little back woods dirt road anymore. It's a fully paved, painted, & sturdy highway that is unwavering & seeks to only grow & get stronger! :)

Another thing that has changed for me: my confidence. For those of you that know me, who REALLY know me, you know that confidence is something I have struggled my whole life with (for a multitude of reasons which I will not go into at this moment). I've always struggled with my self image & the person that reflects back at me in the mirror. In fact, it wasn't until I got to college that I really felt comfortable in my own skin & began to hold my head a little bit higher. Anyway, through all the many life changes that I have gone through, I have met a special someone who made me realize that it isn't the things you are insecure about that hold you back in life...it's having the insecurity alone and holding yourself back. So very true.

I realized that I will probably never be a 105lb skinny minny. I have curves, some say a coca cola bottle others say a pear shape. But either way, I have curves! I even have some stretch marks on my inner thigh from when I grew too fast as a kid, & I think I have some on my right hip, too. Yes I go to the gym & work out & care about how I look, & I also care about how I eat, but I will always have a weakness for chocolate chip cookie dough & ice cream & even cheesecake, & I am perfectly okay with that. As far as appearance is concerned, it takes too dang long to look like a princess every morning with perfect makeup, perfectly straightened or freshly curled hair, with a cute dress on, fabulous heels, & smooth shaven legs (unless it's a special event or something else). To be honest, I really enjoy walking around my house in a pair of sweats and a tee-shirt with my hair pulled back & no makeup on. I have lots of fuzzy baby hair that likes to fall out of my pony tail from time to time & in the winter my hair has lots of static electricity in it & tends to fly away. If I am in a study mood, I might decide to wear my glasses, but I happen to think I look pretty cute in them. My nail polish is always chipped after only a few days, & I am too lazy to change it or fix it so sometimes it stays that way for awhile. When I get stressed out or even when it's that fabulous time of the month, I sometimes break out. Not bad break outs, but I may get a pimple here & there & there is absolutely nothing that I can do about it. My teeth are mostly straight, but not PERFECTLY straight or even 100% white. I'm pretty darn stubborn, I say things sometimes without thinking, I am ditzy, clutzy, & sometimes I run into things without even paying attention. I'm accident prone, my allergies flare up often, & I bite my nails when I am nervous or bored or even just because. I don't have the biggest boobs, I'm short, & have scars on my legs from accidents that I had when I was a kid. A lot of my clothes are not designer brand, in fact, I happen to like getting stuff from cheap stores like Forever21 every now & then. I love to dress up, but again, would take a pair of kicks any day. My hair is naturally curly & when it's super humid outside it gets a little crazy & frizzy fro-ish. Sometimes I snort when I laugh, & I talk in my sleep. Speaking of sleep, I don't necessarily look like a beauty queen when I wake up in the mornings, either.

But you know something? I like me. I like who I am. I am happy with myself-flaws & all. I am confident. I know that I can do anything that I can set my mind to, & nothing or no one can stop me. If someone doesn't like me for who I am, then they weren't worth my time to begin with. As Marilyn Monroe once said,

"If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best!"

Thank you to the person who made me realize that confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can wear. Just another way that you have truly been a blessing in my life! (You should know who you are!)

Well, that's all I got. It is now WAYYY past my bed time (3 in the AM) & I gotta get up for church in the AM. But I will say this: Writing has always been my way of venting (especially when so many people often times don't want to hear what I have to say or get tired of listening or just don't wanna talk about stuff). So, this way, I get it all out, & I feel much better, & I don't have the weight of the world on my shoulders anymore! Woo hoo!

Goodnight and God bless. Please keep me in your prayers these next few weeks as I study & prepare for my law school final exams.

16 Things

1. Water is my #1 drink of choice...I drink it "on the regular."
2. I am terribly afraid of spiders, bugs, and anything else creepy or crawly!
3. I absolutely love to write...it's the best way that I can truly express myself and get at what is really bothering me.
4. I sometimes look at the sky and marvel at just how powerful God really is..and all of the beautiful things that He has made.
5. I love to dress up when the occasion permits.
6. I love gerber daisies, cala lillies, and roses.
7. I hate when people mistake me for a different race because when that happens..I feel like my identity is lost.
8. I absolutely love photography.
9. I think public school teachers are the biggest unsung heroes in America. I have many friends who are teachers. My sister Kayla is a teacher. So is one of my very best friends. And my little sister K'lyssa is on her way.
10. I have a really big heart-I can't stand for anyone to be mad at me!
11. My absolute favorite color is pink...I love pink ANYTHING.
12. I am a very musical person. I played the clarinet from 6th grade through my freshman year of college. I also love to sing, though only a handful of people have ever heard me.
13. I have a love-hate relationship with my hair.
14. I am a perfectionist...sometimes perfection-ism is my worst enemy.
15. I love to cook, and I am actually really good at it, too.
16. I've known that I wanted to be a lawyer since I was 13 years old.

"Hold your head up high, gorgeous. People would kill to see you fall..."

Alright..so everyone who has been in a car accident before & told me how it would be..was right. They all said I would be much more sore on the second day..then I would be out of any of the other days..& they were so right! I think I am also sore from my workout on Monday because in my hurry to get out of the rec..I didn't even bother stretching..& I used more weights on Monday than I usually do. Sooo yeah! I am thinking about maybe going to the chiropractor though if I don't feel better...because I am just soooo freaking sore! Then last night, when I was in the shower & washing my hair, I felt 2 knots on my head that I didn't even know I had. I don't even remember hitting my head in the accident? But who knows! hah.

Anyway...as far as my post for the day goes...today I just did a survey...Enjoy.

When was the last time you had a real smile on your face?
earlier when several of my friends stopped me in the hallway, grabbed my backpack & gave me the biggest hug ever.

Has a boy/girl ever cheated on their girlfriend/ boyfriend for you?
yes...& it sucks.

If someone liked you right now, what would you do?
i wouldn't care.

Do you honestly believe that good things come to those who wait?
yes.

Do you want to see someone this very minute?
yes...

Do you trust all of your friends?
yes..but only my best friends know my secrets. some of my friends have big mouths..lol.

Are you happy with the way things are going?
not really. things could be a whole lot better...but i just have to trust in God. He knows what He's doing..not me!

Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?
sure do.

How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?
only a few.

Do you wake up in the middle of the night?
not usually...but the past few nights i have...i've been having nightmares.

Where did you sleep last night?
my bed.

Would you hug the last person you hugged again?
yes

Do you have a reason to cry right now?
yes...but i'm not gonna

When was the last time you really laughed?
earlier this morning

Do you think you can love someone without trusting them?
no.

How's your heart lately?
eh...

What's the one thing you do when you're mad?
cry. pray. run. write. go on a cleaning spree.

Whats your favorite fruit?
strawberries & bananas

What is the nearest green thing to you?
some plants

Do you remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?
yes i do...

What are your plans for the week?
school, work, not sure about my weekend plans yet? one of my friends wants me to go to the mall to help pick out their outfit..lol & it's homecoming weekend so maybe i'll go to the tech game or an after party? idk. besides that...church...and studying.

Are you in a good mood right now?
i'm in an ok mood...mostly i'm just exhausted though.

Are you one of those people who just doesn't care?
not really

What is something you disliked about your day?
that i'm so sore & tired

If you could go back in time and change things, would you?
yes

Are you afraid of losing the last person you spoke to?
you have no idea.

Is anything bothering you?
yes

Do you fall for people easily?
no..i play hard to get.

What would you change about your life right now?
my current predicament.

What is something you like to do when you're down?
listen to music..go run or workout..talk to God..talk to friends

Why do you think people cheat on their bf/gf so much?
because they aren't man/woman enough to tell their significant other that they are not happy..so instead they take the coward way out by cheating...and end up having their cake..& eating it, too.

Are there any words on your shirt?
yes."Texas Tech School of Law Class of 2011"

Who can make you smile no matter what?
my best friends.

How many tattoos do you have?
none.

Do you think you are a good person?
i try to be.

Do you have a bruise on your body ?
several from the accident

Does it bother you when someone lies to you?
yes

Are you a social person?
yeahh.

Have you hugged anyone in the last 72 hours?
yes sir

Who was the first person you talked to today?
my mom

You can plan a pretty picnic but you can't predict the weather...

Have you ever woken up from a really good dream & just tried to go back to sleep? Or had the flu & you promise yourself that you'll appreciate when you're in good health so much more if you could just get back to it? That's the way I feel; I just want things to go back to the way they were.

Here's a quote from Everwood..& I think it's pretty on point!:

"The more things change, the more they stay the same." I'm not sure who was the first person was who said that, probably Shakespeare or maybe Sting, but at the moment that sentence that best explains my tragic flaw--my inability to change. I don't think I'm wrong in this. The more I get to know other people, the more I realize it's kind of everyone's flaw. Staying exactly the same for as long as possible. Standing perfectly still, it feels better somehow. And if you are suffering, at least the pain is familiar, because if you took that leap of faith, went outside the box, did something unexpected, who knows what other pain might be waiting out there; chances are could be even worse. So you maintain the status quo, choose the road already traveled, and it doesn't seem that bad--not as far as flaws go--you're not a drug addict, not killing anyone, except maybe yourself, a little. When we finally do change, I don't think it happens like an earthquake, or an explosion, or all of a sudden you're like this different person. I think it's smaller than that, the kind of thing most people wouldn't even notice unless they look really really close. Which thank God they never do, but you notice it. Inside you, that change feels like a world of difference and you hope that it is, and that this is a person that you get to be forever, that you'll never have to change again."

My life has been so crazy the past few days! I got into a car accident last night. My first one as a driver. I had just gotten done working out at the rec, went to get some HEALTHY food from this place called Bless Your Heart, & I was driving on the road that runs right by the restaurant & near the Covenant Hospital. I waited until all the cars were gone & pulled out. Not sure what happened after that because it all happened so fast. Out of no where I was hit by another car. The impact was hard. So hard, in fact, that my hair (which was in a pony tail) flew out of the pony tail holder. My steering wheel cover also flew off. My books came out of my backpack & the pages all got bent. My laptop flew open. My sandwich that was a sandwich...wasn't a sandwich anymore. My car did a complete 180 in the middle of the intersection after I was hit, & I ended facing oncoming traffic. For several minutes cars just kept passing by me. No one stopped. That was seriously the scariest moment of my life. I felt so helpless..just sitting in the car, all alone, not sure if I am hurt or what just happened, & seeing more cars heading towards me. I really honestly thought I might die! Then this lady pulled over & opens my car door. She tries to calm me down. I was trying to get up & get out of the car. She told me to sit still, that my adrenaline was rushing & that I didn't need to move because I might be hurt & not know it. She was trying to calm me down & then I just started crying. And not just crying..BAWLING! Then the EMS showed up..along with a firetruck..& several police officers. Once I realized that I was okay, I started asking about the other car. Where was it? Had anyone seen it? Several witnesses said they thought it had pulled into the hospital parking lot, but then another person said that after that, the car drove off. Turns out that is exactly what happened. It was a hit & run. I couldn't believe it. I couldn't believe that someone literally T-boned my car..hit on the driver's backside & messed up my car (to the point where it could possibly be totaled) & then just drove away like it was no big deal. Geez..some people are just jerks, I tell ya! It's sad that people who don't have insurance would rather drive away..when all you get for having no insurance is a CITATION! Today, however, I found out that the wrecker who picked up my car, also picked up another car TWO BLOCKS AWAY from the accident! Sound suspicious? Hm..I think so, too! I called the police & reported it..so we will see. They gave me a case number & everything since it's now a hit & run investigation. I hope that the car that was picked up turns out to be the person who hit me...although I'm not sure if anything can be done about it now since a report has already been filed, & I have already made an insurance claim. But...I don't care. I will feel better just reporting it..because if it turns out that it WAS them who hit me, then they could get a citation for failure to stop & render aid...or other things. But...seriously..I am just glad to be alive. The EMS guy told me that when they came & got me out of the car. The wreck could have been much worse. Cars are replaceable..my life is not. It sucks to have to be car-less for awhile & have to worry about insurance crap & deal with all of this mess...but if I would have died last night, I wouldn't be dealing with ANYTHING! I think that seriously messed with my head last night. I didn't sleep well because I just kept thinking wow...what if I would have been hit harder..what if my car would have flipped or something? Or what if other cars would have hit me? I guess we can't really worry about what if or could have been...but as a human, sometimes ya just can't help it! My cousin told me last night that God knew that she needed me. I thought that was super sweet. It's so nice to know how many people care about you when something like this happens. It also makes you realize just how short life is....how you never wanna go to bed angry or on bad terms with someone because what if it was the last time you ever spoke to them? Kinda crazy....

My Desire

I feel so alone now more than ever. This is already such a weird year for me with so many of my friends gone not only from law school but also a few of my best friends have moved away & are no longer here either. I know that my loved ones support me, but sometimes I feel so alone. I feel like no one gets it sometimes. Gets me. I feel like people make so many assumptions & probably one of my biggest pet peeves is when people think they know me..but don't. Hmm. Another weird thing..I am also living on my own again & keeping a lot more to myself. I'm just trying to focus on school...& focus on me. But it's so hard sometimes. I heard a quote the other day, "Keep the pictures, they don't change. Only the people in them do." So true. It's funny how you think you know someone, think you know how they will respond or act in a given situation, & then you find out you're completely wrong. Maybe you don't know them at all. Maybe you never really did. Heck, maybe they don't even know themselves. Maybe there is no such thing as a perfect ending. Maybe all of the words that I have heard so far were just empty words..words that were never intended to be fulfilled. Words that turn out to be nothing more than an empty promise. Words that I put too much faith & hope in. Words that I wanted so bad to be true. Maybe they aren't.

Today the church sermon was from the book of Colossians. One passage, Colossians 3:8-10 says "But now you must rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips. Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices and have put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator." The other verse we focused on is Colossians 3:2 which says, "Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." I really felt like those two verses spoke to me. I feel like I have a lot growing that I need to do. I have said that a lot lately, but it's something that I really feel tugging at my heart. Something that I need to do. Something that I need to change. I sometimes worry when other people see me, if they see the God in me. What if they don't? That scares me.

To all of my loved ones, family, friends, and others, I want to say sorry for not being the best person I know that I can be. I have lots of room for growth, & I am trying my best to get there. Please be patient with me. Forgive me when I hurt you. Forgive me for any wrongs I have done to you. Forgive me if I have hurt your feelings. Forgive me for being human. Forgive me for falling short of God's glory. But mostly, love me. Support me. Be there for me. Hold my hand, & never let it go.

Last night, I thought about my dad. It's the first time I have thought of him in awhile. I don't think about him often, but I sat there in my room, all alone, doing homework, cleaning, & watching TV on a lonely Saturday night, wondering hmm, wonder what he is doing? Wonder if he ever wonders about me? Wonder if he wonders what I am thinking? Wonder if he wonders how I am doing? Wonder if he even wonders at all...

I made a conscious choice to finally forgive my dad last year. I just came to the realization that having hate in my heart was not healthy. Plus, forgiving others may seem to be a choice, and in one sense it is a choice, but God has been very clear about forgiveness. He has given us specific direction in numerous Scriptures, all of which can be summed up in just one word -- to just forgive! God's Word says, "And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins" (Mark 11:25). "Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven" (Luke 6:37). I can honestly say (no matter what anyone else thinks) that I have forgiven my dad. I am able to live day to day without having that resentment against him. Ultimately what he has done & the ways that he has fallen short of being my dad & being there for me, his long absences in my life...all of that is for him to take up with God later. Not with me. I'm not here to judge.

"Patience carries a lot of WAIT..."

Man oh man time sure is flying by. I can’t believe it is already about to be October. So crazy! Not much has changed in my life as of lately. I am still just as busy as ever with school & work & everything else in between. Today I met with two attorneys who are head of the West Texas Public Defender’s Office on Capital Cases. I am going to start volunteering there weekly, and honestly, I couldn’t be more excited! For those of you who don’t know anything about a Public Defender or what they do, it’s this: Basically an attorney who works as a Public Defender is essentially a government attorney. They work to preserve the constitutional rights of indigent defendants in criminal cases. You must first be determined eligible before the Office of the Public Defender can represent you.

Anyway..with that said, today, after meeting with the two attorneys, they told us all about the work that we will be doing, their expectations, hopes, and about their office. They also assigned us to clients. I am so excited because I will actually get to work on my client’s capital murder case & get to know him for the PERSON he is (not the crime he committed), conduct interviews, do investigatory work, & even go do jail visits! My client is imprisoned in another county, so it will be about a 2 hour drive, but I am really excited to get started because criminal law is my passion, & it will feel good to try to make a difference: to try to save one person’s life from the death penalty. My horizons have broadened so much just by working at a criminal defense firm. I see the humanistic part of the law that so many people don’t get to see; I can put a face to the drunk driver, meet the parents of the sex offender, meet the brother of the drug dealer, or the sister of the murderer. It makes you realize that wow, at the end of the day, they are people, too. And people make mistakes. And we all fall short of the glory of God. All of us. Every day!

So on a more random note (as always..ha!) I read a really good passage earlier in my little devotional. It’s from Proverbs 19:20-21 which says “Listen to advice and accept instruction and in the end you will be wise. Many are the plans in a man's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails.” That is exactly what I needed to hear! I think so many times I try to do what I want & sometimes think that I have complete & total control in my life…when in the end it is totally God’s! God’s will prevails over mine! He knows what I am going to choose before I choose it, & He knows where I will be next year, three years from now, or even ten years from now. He knows my future successes/failures. And He knows who it is that I am going to marry one day. So even though I may think that I have my future mapped out, sometimes we get a huge surprise (just like I did last semester when I thought I had everything figured out). Lately I have really been feeling God tugging at my heart. There are some things I feel like He keeps telling me or showing me the answer to. I feel like I know there are some things/people in my life that were put in it for a purpose, & I feel like God has revealed that purpose for some of them. It’s kind of scary in a way, but I see God’s will working in my life! It's beautiful! And that means I just have to let go of the worldly things, stop letting the Devil get in the way,& just be happy & let go & let God! On a personal level, I am not where I need to be. I think I still need to grow quite a bit, not only just as a person, but also with my walk in Christ. It is something I am working on and really trying to change because I checked my Godmeter the other day…& it’s sooo not where I want it to be! I think when God is missing from your life whether it is your own life or your marriage or even your relationship, that is very apparent. So I’ve got to work on that.

Today was an interesting day. I think the quote that embodies some of the things I had to deal with is this one: “When tempted to lose patience with someone, think about how patient God has been with you.”

I think a good way to think about it is this way:

IF: God is love.
AND: Love is patient.
THEN: God is patient.

TRUE statement. Anddddd this is also true: Patience comes through understanding and understanding comes through love. When you love someone you understand their heart, and when you understand their heart you have patience. Love sees everything in a person’s heart. It doesn’t even begin to lose patience, because it understands completely why a person does what they do. Sooooo....

Think about God. Think about how He never tallies up your mistakes in an effort to build a case against you. He never calculates in His mind what you deserve for your failures in life. He is not even the slightest bit irritated when you repeat the same mistake over and over again. God understands and HE IS PATIENT.

He doesn't stop there! Nope! God has decided whole-heartedly that He will be with you for all eternity. ALL ETERNITY PEOPLE! You just have to seek Him. He’s not thinking of leaving or sneaking out early. He is in for the long haul. He has a clear vision of the finish line. And because of that He possesses patience.

God has patience with you because He knows the end of your story, and He is pleased with it. It’s a happy ending! Just you wait and see!

Are you patient with others? Or are you quick to anger and slow to forgive? I know after today, I was walking a thin line in regards to patience. I wanted so bad to just blow up and be rude to the people who were being rude to me. For instance, I got really irritated with a client and her extreme persistence! But then I read that quote (which is one of my fav quotes & is on my facebook page..ha!) “When tempted to lose patience with someone, stop and think about how patient God has been with you.”

Do we practice this in our daily lives? It’s so easy to just go off on that really annoying person or honk at the slow driver in front of you or be rude to your friend who is on your last nerve. But what good does it do? If God is patient with us, why is it so hard for US to give that same patience back to those around us…the people that we love and care for...our brothers & sisters in Christ?

I pondered that today. And that is why I have come to realize that I need to strengthen my relationship with God…because I want to be patient—just like He has and continues to be WITH ME!

"You never see the hard days in a photo album... but those are the ones that get you from one happy snapshot to the next..."

Have you ever had a day that you wish you could permanently eradicate from your memory? You know, one of those unbelievably bad experiences you keep hoping is a bad dream that you're going to wake up from any blissful second? I hate those days! But I guess only time can cure that one.

I was sick all week with a sinus infection/horrible cold. I thought I was getting better, & then last night I started feeling like crud again. Hopefully I get over this completely SOON because I sure would hate to get the flu! My sister is pretty sick still, too, ugh!

Texas Tech plays Texas today. I wish I was in Austin today..I really do. But alas..I am stuck in Lubbsuck! Oh well, I have plenty of places to go today. One of my friends is having a bbq for his bday, and a bunch of my friends are meeting somewhere to eat & watch the game. So I’ll prolly do that. Then afterwards I may go out. Lord knows I need to go out & just have fun. I have too many things racing through my mind..& I am feeling the need to do some drinking. Actually, I'm feeling the need to do some crying, but my tear ducts seem to be too proud, so I am going to do some drinking instead. ha.

I do have some things on my mind that I wanna talk about, though. For starters, I’ll begin with this quote, from one of my fav shows ever…Sex & the City.
“Maybe mistakes are what make our fate... without them what would shape our lives? Maybe if we had never veered off course we wouldn't fall in love, have babies, or be who we are. After all, things change, so do cities, people come into your life and they go. But it's comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart... and if you're very lucky, a plane ride away”

Love it! So anyways, that’s so true. No one is perfect, but sometimes the mistakes that we make end up doing us some good because things work out in a way that we would have never had work out if those mistakes hadn’t happened! Crazy how that works. When I look back at my own life, for example, I had no idea I would be where I am today. However, it was because of those roads that I took & those choices that I made (that weren’t so smart at the time) that end up being the best decisions I ever made or best life lessons ever learned!

Next, lets talk a little bit about actions and reactions. I think one thing that is absolutely driving me nuts today plays upon one of my pet peeves: I hate when people think they KNOW me. By that, I mean I hate when people think they are inside of my body, know my exact feelings, exactly what’s racing through my mind, what I am thinking, ect. No one knows that except me…& God. I get so tired of people telling me how I feel or how I think on something when they don’t have the slightest clue! Sorry that I don’t always respond to things in the way that people hope/wish for, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t care or whatever emotion applies in that moment. I give the analogy of a funeral. So, I am not a big cry-er at funerals. Some people are. I, however, am not. But just because I go to a funeral & I DON’T cry…does that mean that I don’t care about the person who died? Does that mean that I don’t love them? Does that mean that my heart doesn’t ache for them or go out to their family? Does that mean that I’m not sad? Of course not! That would be silly! We all react to different things in different ways..especially when we are actively involved in other activities throughout the day at the same time. Another analogy: the fact that I don’t tell my dad that I love him..or show it. Does that mean that I absolutely hate him? Does that mean that I wish the absolute worse for him? Does that mean that if something happened to him tomorrow I wouldn't care? NO! Because at the end of the day he is still my dad, & of course regardless of what he does I am always going to love him. I have to..he's my dad. Third analogy: Attending an event (in this situation I will use my college graduation as an example). Does the fact that some people didn’t come to my college graduation mean they don’t care? What if I include the fact that they didn’t cry, clap, or scream for joy when I got my diploma? What about if I told you that when I opened up a graduation present from them, I didn’t jump for joy, I just had a solemn expression on my face & said “Thank you so much.” Does that mean I am not thankful? Of course not! Actions speak louder than words people! So just because I may react to something in a way that you didn’t think/expect, please don’t automatically assume my feelings/emotions. Because quite honestly..you don't know me! You don't know what I am thinking. You don't know how I feel. Besides all of that, it’s the biggest flawed argument ever! I know I am not the smartest cookie there is, but I took the LSAT (which is all based on logical reasoning & analytical stuff) & I can tell you this. Just because A+B=C does NOT mean you can take that same equation and say that A+D will get you to C (the conclusion). The premises do not equal to the deduction. Therefore, applying that same logical reasoning to real life…just because I don’t react a certain way does not mean that I am a certain emotion or that I feel a certain way, ect. So stoppppp assuming. It’s like today….I’m not very talkative & I’ve had 3 people ask me what’s wrong. Just because I don’t feel like talking one day doesn’t automatically mean that I hate the world or that I am angry or sad or whatever. Maybeeeee I just don’t have anything to say!!!! Whew. Okay. Done.

Next…umm. Job search. It’s so much fun. Not. The economy sucks & man..it really has put a damper on applying places. However, I am about to start helping out at the West Texas Public Defender’s Office on Capital Cases so that should be pretty cool. I’ll be seeing some pretty vulgar stuff, but it will be interesting nonetheless & will definitely help out my resume. Hopefully I can get an internship next summer with the FBI, a law firm, or a DA’s office somewhere. If not, I really think I am going to study abroad again.

It's so weird to think that in less than 2 years..I will be an attorney. It won't just be something to say anymore, but something that I will be DOING. I can still remember all those years ago when I was 11 years old sitting on my bed, looking at the ceiling, talking to God, & deciding in that moment that I wanted to be an attorney. I wanted to BE somebody. I wanted to do SOMETHING. I am so incredibly blessed that God has brought me on this journey & that I am living my dream! It's definitely not easy, & some days I feel as stupid as ever (especially in class when I get called on!), but I know that I wouldn't be here if I was stupid. I wouldn't have made it this far. (Flawed logic if I believed it!). I hope that I will get my fairy tale ending. I hope that one day I can have the whole American dream..the great career, loving husband, wonderful kids, & a nice home to top it off. Isn't that what everyone wants? Why do I some days feel like that will happen to me...& then other days feel like it's all just a dream? Only God knows the plan for my life, He knows who I am going to marry & share my life with. And He is & has continually shown me over the years that if I just put my trust in Him, everything will be okay. I gave God the pen to write my love story a long, long time ago, & like I always say, He is writing something bigger & better than I could ever imagine or dream up for myself. And I can't wait until I turn the page & get to find out.

Well I am off to do my homework & get some studying in. Talk to you later people.

P.S. thanks to all of my constant readers! I'm so glad that my blog helps you & that you enjoy reading it!

Sometimes I put the PRO in Procrastination!

1. Where did your last kiss take place?
the airport

2. Who knows a secret or two about you?
Aris...my best friends...i dunno?

3. Four words to explain why you last threw up?
had a horrible migraine

4. Have you ever burned yourself?
yes..& it hurts!

5. What's crazy to you?
right now...people over-reacting over President Obama's educational speech!

6. Favorite cuss word:
batch...yes i say batch instead of...

7. Who is probably talking a load of crap about you right now?
hopefully no one....i don't think anyone has any beef with me..lol

8. Who is your hero?
my mom & my grandma

9. Would you ever want to be a supermodel?
yeah i did when i was younger..but pff i don't have the height for it

10. Who is the most experimental person you know?
no clue

11. Do you tell white lies?
try not to..but everyone has told a white lie before..so....

12. When is your next party?
going to a bday gathering on saturday!

13. Who do you want to be with right now?
aris...or my best friends

14 Do you scratch when and where you want to scratch?
sure

15. How do you handle a break up?
its always hard. even if you wanted it....

16. Your motivation for tomorrow?
it's thursday...& that means it's one step closer to friday!

17. Do you know what you will wear tomorrow?
i think so, actually

18. Last person to make you laugh?
paula

19. Last thing you ate?
leftover chicken bowtie pasta with asiago sauce

20. Do u ever go a few days without changing your underwear?
OMG EWWW no way!

21. Have you ever accidentally eaten an insect?
yes one time i was at a friend's & i grabbed a glass off of her top shelf, poured OJ in it..& it turns out there was a daddy long legs in there.....& i didn't know until i saw a leg on my lip....DISGUSTING HUH?!!! & another time i was talking & i breathed in really deep & a fly went right down my airway....

22. Do daddy long legs freak you out?
any kind of spider freaks me out

23. Have you ever cleaned up someone else's vomit?
yeah & it's disgusting

24. Have you ever dropped food on the floor and eaten it?
yes...5 second rule!

25. Do you kiss your pets on the mouth?
don't have any pets..but eww no.

26. Do you talk baby talk?
to little animals or babies..yes.

27. What serial killer do you find most disturbing?
um..all of them. lol.

28. Do you watch court tv?
sometimes.

29. Would you ever work in a retirement home?
no. too sad.

30. Do you believe plants have feelings?
uhhh no.

31. Do you laugh at people with "bowl" haircuts?
yes. although sadly i used to have one when i was a kid...thanks mom! haha

32. Do you have nervous twitches?
nope

33. Are you ever purposely irritating?
yes

34. If you could fly, where would you go first?
i dunno..spain!

35. Do you prefer boats or planes?
planes

36. Love or lust?
love

37. One best friend or 10 aquaintances?
1 best friend

38. Favorite food?
chicken fried steak, any kind of pasta, chinese food, ect.

39. Do you believe in love at first sight?
no. i believe in lust at first sight..but not love.

40. What upcoming event are you waiting and ready for?
hmmm i guess the etiquette dinner.

41. Current smell?
my armani perfume.

42. Do you get your nails done?
not unless i have somewhere *FANCY* to go to

43. Favorite color(s)?
pink & turquoise!

44. What do you want to be when you grow up?
a lawyer...

45. Are you an emotional person?
yes.

46. Do you like your name?
sure. it's unique. but i hate when people mis-spell it...esp people who have known me their entire lives....

47. Do you have plans this weekend?
yes.

48. Do you work?
yes...at a criminal law firm.

49. At what age do you want to be married?
i'd like to be married by like..25...but who knows...

50. When did your last relationship end?
like end..end? december 08

51. What are you listening to right now?
nada...it's silent. i'm in the library.

52. Biggest fear?
spiders..not being successful..infertility...being alone

53. How can someone win your heart AND keep it?
ohhh well he must be a man of God....have every quality that i want...love me..respect me...tell me i am beautiful....do things for me just because...ect. i don't want the romance to stop just because i'm finally his!

54. Favorite place to be?
the beach

55. What are you wearing right now?
black button down & a khaki skirt

56. Are your toes painted?
yup..got a pedicure on sunday

57. Does anyone hate you?
i don't think so...but i guess if they do then that's their own perogative

58. How many people do you trust fully?
a few

59. Did you have fun doing this?
nope

60. Are you thinking of someone right now?
yes

"Be quick to listen, slow to speak & slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." James 1:19-20

Anger is defined in the dictionary as a strong emotion expressing displeasure or dislike. It can be both constructive or destructive.

We have all been angry at some point in our lives. And some of us have also let anger win sometimes. I know I have.

Isn't it ironic that when we are angry we blame everyone or everything but ourselves?

Often we say, "If she had not said thus and so I would not get angry" or "if he would just pay more attention to me and less attention to something or someone else, then I would not have to get angry."

There is no doubt that the external things around us do affect us, but they are not the source of our anger. The source of our anger is the inherent sin that is in the world today. It is our own selfishness, our own desires to boost our own ego, our position in life.

...That's a hard thing to admit.

Often times anger comes from internal sources. When we fail to receive what we want when we want it, there is a flash of anger that takes over. Perhaps it is because we do not get the recognition or acceptance that we think we should. At other times it stems from a low self-esteem.

Sometimes when things that matter so much to us, whether they be temporal needs or spiritual perceptions, are not provided in a timely manner we become discouraged. We are fearful that these disappointments will go on for a period of time, or that they will never be achievable. This fear comes from trying to trust in self or others instead of trusting in God. It comes from not waiting on God and his time schedule. The safety and security that we long for at times can only be supplied by God.

This fear, along with our desire to fulfill our own needs, will lead to rebellion. We get angry toward anyone who stands in our way or who does not go along with our personal agenda. Before long we make demands that cannot be fulfilled.

I know that's what I have been doing lately. And that's not a good thing...

I found this article:

Three Ways to Mishandle Anger

The first is quick or shallow confession. We do this by taking the blame and then trying to sweep the issue under the carpet, not truly repenting of the anger or taking the time to examine the situation and why we became angry in the first place, and correcting the feelings within ourselves. We say, in effect, "That is just the way I am. I cannot help myself."

A second way to mishandle anger is by repression, by pretending we are not angry at all, saying all is fine and forgiven when really it is not. Stifling anger in this way tends to lead to depression. Depression can be defined as "anger turned inwards." We have the anger stuffed down inside where it lays and ferments, corrupting the very area where it lays. After a while we stop feeling the anger; but this bears a great price. Along with losing the feeling of the anger comes losing the feeling of joy. You end up stifling all emotions, you do not feel pain or joy.

The third way of mishandling anger is through explosive expressions. After anger has been held down for so long, fermenting, a seemingly harmless statement may trigger an explosive expression. These expressions are never constructive anger but always destructive.

The Uses of Anger

We use anger in several different ways. It becomes a means of self-protection. Saul did this when he was told his kingdom would be taken away from him and given to David. Rather than repent of his ways, rather than finding a way to improve himself, Saul laid out a plan to kill David. He tried to protect his kingship. He tried to protect his self-image and the image that others had of him.

Jonah is another person who became very angry as a means of protecting and blistering his own ego. When God told Jonah he would spare Nineveh and not destroy it, Jonah became angry, forgetting that the very purpose of his being sent to Nineveh was to obtain repentance. His reaction was, "the people will not believe me." Those who give in to anger often miss the true purpose of the experiences God sends their way.

We will often try to handle anger by throwing the blame on someone else. When Saul’s plan to destroy David failed, he turned to Jonathan and said, "Thou son of the perverse rebellious woman" (1 Samuel 20:30). Saul was angry because his plan to kill David and save his kingdom had failed. He placed the blame on his son. He did not even take the responsibility for Jonathan being his own son but said it was Jonathan’s mother’s fault—"It is not my fault you are this way, it is your mother’s fault." We, too, often try to lay the blame any place other than where it belongs.

We often use anger to create space. We might call it the porcupine effect. When attacked, the porcupine will curl up into a ball and show the barbs it has for protection. It knows that if its enemies can get to the soft underbelly it is defenseless. Often in anger we will use sharp sarcasm or sharp short answers to create distance, so that others will not get too close and see our weaknesses. This is based on the insecurity and fear that if people get to know us they will not like us.

How Do We Handle Anger

One of the things we need to do is to learn to be slow to anger. We need to take the time to be sure that we have a good reason to be angry. Patience is one of the things needed to overcome anger. It is not a drowsy indifference we seek. It will not do to just throw a blanket on our situation and merely say, "everything is all right, I am not going to get angry." Love, Scripturally speaking, is not an easy-going indifference. We need to listen and ask questions to be sure we understood what was said, to get the facts straight. Then, unless a principle is involved, we need to give the other party the benefit of the doubt.

A second thing we can do is change our thinking. We cannot change our feelings, but we can change our thinking. This new pattern of thought, rather than getting angry, looks within self to see what is producing the anger. This new pattern of thinking will help us to control our anger.

The power of the things in this world are only temporary. Christ could go to the cross and be crucified because he realized that that was only a temporary condition. The rebukes, the put-downs, the disappointments we have are only temporary.

Be Angry and Sin Not

"Be ye angry, and sin not. Let not the sun go down upon your wrath, neither give place to the devil" (Ephesians 4:26, 27). We need to learn to be "swift to hear, slow to speak, and slow to wrath" (James 1:19). There is a reason God gave us two ears and just one mouth. Too often we are not good listeners and too quick to speak, too ready to get angry.

Yet in Ephesians we are told that we are supposed to be angry. Anger, in itself, is neither right nor wrong, neither constructive nor destructive, until there is a motive that goes along with it. If anger is wrong, God has sinned; and that is not possible. We are told on many occasions that God was angry. Jesus showed anger with the Pharisees. It is all right to be angry. It is the motivation we use. If it is harmful to ourselves or others, the anger is not right. The spirit which flushes with resentment at an oath is better by far than the spirit which listens with indifference, or which laughs with pleasure. We are far better off if our anger is motivated by love.

Once our anger is motivated by love it also needs to be constrained by love. Love can motivate anger, but if it does not also constrain it, the anger can still get out of control.

The second thing that our text in Ephesians tells us is to "sin not." We sin by letting our anger get out of control. Paul continues by telling us "let not the sun go down upon your wrath." In other words we are not to harbor our anger. We must repent, be quick to examine it, and not harbor it.

Finally, Paul concludes, "neither give place to the devil." If the devil can get us to the place where we are harboring our anger, with emotions welling up inside us which rot our inner being, then he has us in a position where we cut back on our prayer life and become insensitive.

...........Don't be like me..& let anger get the best of you & place a wedge between you & someone that you love. When that happens..you are letting the Devil win instead of God's grace. It's not worth it...

"Sometimes I wish I were a little kid again, skinned knees are easier to fix than broken hearts..."

I can picture the day. Bubbles blowing, a limo pulling up to take him and I to the airport, white clusters of flowers on the pews, tears in my mother’s eyes, my bridesmaids in either a light pink or turquoise chiffon….

All of the details of my wedding day are worked out in my head. All of them, that is, except for the groom, of course.

Love. It’s a commonly thrown around four-letter word. “I love macaroni and cheese.” “I love Dr. Pepper.” Sometimes, even an “I love him” or “I love her.”

So…I found an article that talks about what love is. Not infatuation..but real love. Real love that goes the distance. I wanted to share it with you.

What is real love? And is there a difference between that and the heart-pounding adrenaline rush I feel when I see…? You know the person I’m talking about. That hot guy playing basketball at the gym… the cute girl who makes eye contact as she passes by… the friend of a friend of a friend… maybe a best friend. It’s that person we keep track of when he or she is in the same room, whose comments and actions we analyze to no end.

There are a few things love isn’t. Love isn’t a feeling. Although real love is often accompanied by strong feelings, love does not equate with the sense of floating on clouds. Unlike the type of love that movies, television, and songs portray, people in love don’t always feel ooey gooey around each other.

A relationship wouldn’t last long on emotions. In fact, knowledge is the basis of a healthy relationship.

Knowing about the other person is key. I used to and sometimes still do “fall in love” with guys that I have never had a conversation with, whether it be a movie star in the latest romantic drama or the guy sitting behind me in a calculus class. I would know his name and his face, and that was the extent of my knowledge of him. If I were to start a relationship with him, who knows where that would lead us!

Knowing about the person’s personality and character are so important. One good test is to list the qualities that attract us to that guy or girl. If the list is long, we know a lot about them and like those things. If the list is short, we either don’t know a lot about them or we know a lot but aren’t attracted to his or her personality.

Love is a choice. It’s a commitment. Although feelings will accompany love, and although sex will be a part of marriage, a lasting, healthy relationship cannot be based on these things.

The Bible says that God is love. God, as our designer and creator, made us with needs for love. Do you ever wonder why we constantly seek love from others but never feel completely satisfied? It’s because God designed us for an unconditional love, and we, as people, are flawed.

People, whether friends, family, or your significant other, will invariably let you down at some point. God wants us to find our need for love and acceptance in him first. One person cannot meet all our needs, even if he’s funny or she’s thoughtful.
We were made for God’s love, and God’s love alone can fill that need. Only after experiencing and knowing the unconditional love that God has for us, the love that drove God to send his Son to die for us on earth, can we begin to love others with the same quality of unconditional love.

Love
o Sees the other person’s flaws and still loves them
o Wants to serve the other person; selfless
o Still spends time with others
o Takes time to build the relationship
o Other relationships and friendships grow stronger
o Trust and understanding results in less severe and less frequent jealousy
o Encompasses a long-term commitment
o Survives and sometimes is strengthened because of distance
o Quarrels can strengthen the relationship

Infatuation can be so tempting. But the question is, do I want a lasting, satisfying relationship? If so, infatuation isn’t the answer. Look at your relationships & evaluate them. Infatuation isn’t a bad thing, as long as we don’t base a relationship on it.
*****************************************************
Probably the wisest and most eye-opening book out there is the book, “He’s Just Not That Into You.” I have seen the movie, which is AWESOME, but the book blows the movie right out of the water! Anyway, today I have been feeling very empty…very hollow…very…blah. And with great reason & justification to. I am so hurt. Words cannot even explain. It seems like just when I finally get over the heartbreak that I went through 9 months ago....it happens again...and man..it sucks. It literally feels as though someone has stuck a knife through my heart. Ugh...

“A man who wants to make a relationship work will move mountains to keep the woman he loves. If he's not calling you to tell you he loves you and wants you back, it should only be because he's showing up at your new residence to do it in person ... if he's not doing any of that, he may love you, he may miss you, but ultimately he's just not that into you. Stop taking his calls and let him know what it's like to live without you.”

So true! If something is meant to be, it will happen. Ladies, if a man tells you that he loves you, and he really means it, he won’t just give up that easily. Why do I know this? How do I know this? Because God says so.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
—I Corinthians 13:4-8

This verse describes the characteristics of true love. These qualities can certainly be found in the person of Jesus Christ, and they can be found in all truly loving relationships.

Love is best seen as devotion and action, not an emotion. Love is not exclusively based on how we feel. Certainly our emotions are involved, but they cannot be our only criteria for love. True devotion will always lead to action—true love.

Dear children, let us not love with words or tongue but with ACTIONS and in truth.
I John 3:18 (NIV)

We can only identify true love and know when we have found it, based on the Word of God. When we match our relationships up to what the Bible says that love is—and we are honestly prepared to make a life-long commitment to that person—then we can say that we are truly “in love.” The three keys to that statement are:
We have to…

1. look at the Word of God
2. be completely honest with ourselves
3. understand the level of commitment that comes with true love

.................Think about it. After all, God, the author of love and romance, wrote THE book on how to live our lives...on how our relationships should be.

Sigh. I am very down & out & blah. Please keep me in your prayers as this has been a difficult day for me...& tomorrow probably won't be so easy either. But I know that as long as I keep my faith strong...this will all work out for the better...in God's way..not my own. God has big plans for me..plans bigger than I could ever imagine! And one day..things will all fall right into place for me..the way they are supposed to. I guess for now...the only thing I can do in order to heal is to pick up the broken pieces..& give them all to Him.

Let God have your broken pieces, too. It is then & only then..that He can heal your broken heart.

I am letting God write my love story. Are you?

All you need is one

"There are 6,470,818,671 people in the world. Some are running scared. Some are coming home. Some tell lies to make it through the day, others are just now facing the truth. Some are evil men at war with good, and some are good struggling with evil. 6 billion people in the world, 6 billion souls, and sometimes, all you need is one."

So, I guess it's true. When you're down, lonely, have something on your mind, or even feeling blah like me right now, the thought of that one person's face lightens your day up. Sometimes it's that one person who helps you through the day. Sometimes it's that one person who texts you before and after events they know that you're doing. Sometimes it's that one person who calls or gives you a smile, a hug, a kiss, a demonstration of how much they care for you, or a simple, "You're beautiful." And sometimes, that one person is all you need.

"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart!" Psalm 37:4

In so many incredible ways, my life is slowly falling into place. I am now moved into my apartment completely & have a room again (!!!) & I am comfortable with my classes already. I actually really enjoy them this semester. The more in depth I get into my classes, the more I realize that I really am in the right place. I was meant for this. This was God’s plan for me. Now at this point, I am not so sure what I will be using my law degree for, but that is irrelevant because I know in my heart that this is right. I feel like the more that I learn, the more I am satisfying the burning feeling in my heart; that hunger to know more, to be more. I have spent quite a bit of time learning about what makes me feel FULL, of what encourages my higher self into active participation, & for the first time in a long while I feel whole.

Have you ever felt like you are seriously the most blessed individual, and you don’t know what you did to deserve it? You don’t know why God chose you? I am sure all of us have felt this way at some point in time, but that is exactly how I feel right now. I seriously am not worthy of all of these many blessings; I that constantly falls short of the glory of God. But, HE thinks I am worthy. And His plan is coming together for my life. He is revealing it to me. And I am surprised at where I am now, but I love it. I have finally found a *special someone* who is literally the best thing to ever happen to me. He is amazing, & I seriously don’t know what else to say..other than that I am a lucky girl. And I thank God every day for blessing me with his presence in my life.

"Don't cling to your past. Ever. Don't cling to the comfort it may ensure, or hide in the security it seems to promise, for there is ALWAYS, ALWAYS a reason your past never made it to your future!"

And the crappy, horrible experiences that I had to endure last year…were all for a reason. A purpose. God’s purpose. God took me down that broken road…& lead me straight to someone better. Funny how at the time I was going through it all, I questioned things. I doubted God. I didn’t think that my life could ever get any better. But I had my blinders on. It’s almost as though God whispered in my ear, “Trust me, my child, for I know what is best for your life.” And I decided that I would trust Him. I would quit worrying & just let Him take care of it all. And look where I am now? Wow. Part of moving forward, though, comes also with letting go. With starting new. With becoming a better person. The person God meant for you to be. To start living your life according to His plan. Not your own. To let go of the past. Though it's so easy to stay with what is comfortable, you have to let go. Let it go in order to move forward. I promise that your life will blossom before your very eyes if you do...

On a random note, I am glad that I don’t write these blogs in vain. Several people over the last few days have told me that they read my blogs & that it helps them in some way. Or that my words touch their heart. Or helps them relate so that they can apply my words to their own lives. Amazing. I am so so touched that some of you feel that way. But I sincerely think that God is guiding my little fingers as a type. So give your praise to Him!

That’s all I got. Back to my little world of studying/reading I go…

"There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love...”

So today was the first day back of my 2nd year of law school. I must say that I have never been as exhausted as I was today..in a long time. I stayed up late doing homework last night, then had 4 classes plus work today. I have 8-5 days every day now..which is fine..except that unlike most people, my day doesn't end there..cuz I still have oodles & oodles of hw to do when I get home. Ickk! I keep on thinking man, when am I going to have any "me" time in there this semester? And the answer is..who knows! But, regardless, I have a feeling that this year will be a good year. There is no where to go but up!

I think law school is a test for a lot of people. It tests friendships..relationships with significant others...relationships with your families..& even the relationship that you have with God & yourself. It is very easy to fall off of track with any of those things. A lot of friendships/relationships end because the person on the oppposite end feels neglected or just doesn't understand how law school school consumes a person's life. I had relationships of my own end when I started law school. Though the hardest year is over (year number one) I know that this year will not be easy either. I just hope that the people who love me, TRULY love me, stick by my side...always.

I am kind of lonely feeling today. I felt like today I was just going through the motions. Weird feeling really. I feel like a broken mess inside. I feel like there is so much on my mind....guess reading will help clear it up a bit, though.

here is a poem I wrote once, that kind of seems fitting for how I am feeling at the moment:

I'm a big ball of emotions,
But no one seems to care.
My heart yearns to speak out,
It has many secrets to share.
I want to tell you how I feel,
But it's not that easy, you see.
No one understands these feelings,
No one, not even me.
I have the perfect life,
But sometimes that isn't enough.
I might appear to be strong,
But in reality, I'm far from tough.
I am but twenty-three years old,
But yet I feel so helpless and small.
Sinking in a pool of emotions,
I slowly begin to fall.
Tears cloud my eyes,
Uncontrollably I weep.
Slowly I bury my tear stained face,
In my pillow I cry to sleep.

Anyway...that's all I got folks. Thanks for those of you who called/emailed/texted me well wishes for the new school year. Law school is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, & one thing I have learned over the last year, is that it is so important to me to have my loved ones there...supporting me, encouraging me, & being there for me..every step of the way. I think today I was made well aware of the people who truly care..& for that I will be forever thankful.

Blessings to all.