"Delight yourself in the Lord, and He will give you the desires of your heart!" Psalm 37:4

In so many incredible ways, my life is slowly falling into place. I am now moved into my apartment completely & have a room again (!!!) & I am comfortable with my classes already. I actually really enjoy them this semester. The more in depth I get into my classes, the more I realize that I really am in the right place. I was meant for this. This was God’s plan for me. Now at this point, I am not so sure what I will be using my law degree for, but that is irrelevant because I know in my heart that this is right. I feel like the more that I learn, the more I am satisfying the burning feeling in my heart; that hunger to know more, to be more. I have spent quite a bit of time learning about what makes me feel FULL, of what encourages my higher self into active participation, & for the first time in a long while I feel whole.

Have you ever felt like you are seriously the most blessed individual, and you don’t know what you did to deserve it? You don’t know why God chose you? I am sure all of us have felt this way at some point in time, but that is exactly how I feel right now. I seriously am not worthy of all of these many blessings; I that constantly falls short of the glory of God. But, HE thinks I am worthy. And His plan is coming together for my life. He is revealing it to me. And I am surprised at where I am now, but I love it. I have finally found a *special someone* who is literally the best thing to ever happen to me. He is amazing, & I seriously don’t know what else to say..other than that I am a lucky girl. And I thank God every day for blessing me with his presence in my life.

"Don't cling to your past. Ever. Don't cling to the comfort it may ensure, or hide in the security it seems to promise, for there is ALWAYS, ALWAYS a reason your past never made it to your future!"

And the crappy, horrible experiences that I had to endure last year…were all for a reason. A purpose. God’s purpose. God took me down that broken road…& lead me straight to someone better. Funny how at the time I was going through it all, I questioned things. I doubted God. I didn’t think that my life could ever get any better. But I had my blinders on. It’s almost as though God whispered in my ear, “Trust me, my child, for I know what is best for your life.” And I decided that I would trust Him. I would quit worrying & just let Him take care of it all. And look where I am now? Wow. Part of moving forward, though, comes also with letting go. With starting new. With becoming a better person. The person God meant for you to be. To start living your life according to His plan. Not your own. To let go of the past. Though it's so easy to stay with what is comfortable, you have to let go. Let it go in order to move forward. I promise that your life will blossom before your very eyes if you do...

On a random note, I am glad that I don’t write these blogs in vain. Several people over the last few days have told me that they read my blogs & that it helps them in some way. Or that my words touch their heart. Or helps them relate so that they can apply my words to their own lives. Amazing. I am so so touched that some of you feel that way. But I sincerely think that God is guiding my little fingers as a type. So give your praise to Him!

That’s all I got. Back to my little world of studying/reading I go…

"There is no love without forgiveness, and there is no forgiveness without love...”

So today was the first day back of my 2nd year of law school. I must say that I have never been as exhausted as I was today..in a long time. I stayed up late doing homework last night, then had 4 classes plus work today. I have 8-5 days every day now..which is fine..except that unlike most people, my day doesn't end there..cuz I still have oodles & oodles of hw to do when I get home. Ickk! I keep on thinking man, when am I going to have any "me" time in there this semester? And the answer is..who knows! But, regardless, I have a feeling that this year will be a good year. There is no where to go but up!

I think law school is a test for a lot of people. It tests friendships..relationships with significant others...relationships with your families..& even the relationship that you have with God & yourself. It is very easy to fall off of track with any of those things. A lot of friendships/relationships end because the person on the oppposite end feels neglected or just doesn't understand how law school school consumes a person's life. I had relationships of my own end when I started law school. Though the hardest year is over (year number one) I know that this year will not be easy either. I just hope that the people who love me, TRULY love me, stick by my side...always.

I am kind of lonely feeling today. I felt like today I was just going through the motions. Weird feeling really. I feel like a broken mess inside. I feel like there is so much on my mind....guess reading will help clear it up a bit, though.

here is a poem I wrote once, that kind of seems fitting for how I am feeling at the moment:

I'm a big ball of emotions,
But no one seems to care.
My heart yearns to speak out,
It has many secrets to share.
I want to tell you how I feel,
But it's not that easy, you see.
No one understands these feelings,
No one, not even me.
I have the perfect life,
But sometimes that isn't enough.
I might appear to be strong,
But in reality, I'm far from tough.
I am but twenty-three years old,
But yet I feel so helpless and small.
Sinking in a pool of emotions,
I slowly begin to fall.
Tears cloud my eyes,
Uncontrollably I weep.
Slowly I bury my tear stained face,
In my pillow I cry to sleep.

Anyway...that's all I got folks. Thanks for those of you who called/emailed/texted me well wishes for the new school year. Law school is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, & one thing I have learned over the last year, is that it is so important to me to have my loved ones there...supporting me, encouraging me, & being there for me..every step of the way. I think today I was made well aware of the people who truly care..& for that I will be forever thankful.

Blessings to all.

It's not what you have in your life, but WHO you have in your life...

So tomorrow is the big day. Day #1 of my second year of law school. I am taking Evidence, Criminal Procedure, Texas Juvenile Law, Personal Responsibility, & Immigration Law. I am going to be super busy between all of those, keeping up with my reading, & also with work. I know I can do it, though. I just gotta keep my focus!

Don’t really have much else to say aside from that. My life will now officially be mundane & boring..because I will be doing the same thing day in/day out. I don’t really talk too much about my classes or anything because I am sure most people don’t care to hear about it. If they were interested in hearing about law, they would probably be in law school. So yeah…I will keep my boring law related talk to a minimum! Besides..that’s what my law school friends are for.

Umm. Hmm. So the quote on my daily devotional is kind of ironic. It is this: “Before you tell someone your troubles, take time to listen to his.” Then it is followed with this Bible verse: “Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak.” James 1:19. Guess that is God’s way of telling me that I need to be a better listener..which is something that I discussed in depth yesterday. I apologize for not always being a great listener to my loved ones. I am only human, though. Not that that is an excuse..but “a thousand times I’ve failed..and still YOUR mercy remains.” God’s mercy. He died on the cross for me. For you. For us. Because we sin. We fall short of the glory of God on a daily basis. Regularly. 24/7. I do. And so do you. So that is one of the ways that I fall short. I talk talk talk..instead of doing more listening. So I made a decision yesterday..that I am going to really lay off the “me me me” convo & just try to listen more & be more attentive. And..ironically..the quotes for tomorrow are this: “God loves us the way we are, but too much to leave us that way.” And the Bible verse is: “God demonstrates his own love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Romans 5:8. Powerful. Salvation. Free to us…but costly to God. I struggle everyday just like the best of them. I am by no means perfect. And I don’t live to be. I know I am not. There is always room for improvement. But it helps if there is faith. Faith from others. Faith from your loved ones. And faith in your own self. I have come a long way from where I was 8 months ago..& I am continuing to grow. Not past tense, continued. But, CONTINUING. It’s a work in progress…

I feel very blahhh right now. I have a surge of mixed emotions going on, & I think this week is going to be kind of roller coaster-ish & hard to deal with..but…it’s out of my control. The ball is out of my park.

A few quotes:
“Before we can have a successful relationship with anyone, we first need a perfect personal relationship.”

“When you struggle with your partner, you are struggling with yourself. Every fault you see in them touches a denied weakness in yourself.”

“An argument is always about what has been made more important than the relationship.”

Ever feel like there are things that you wish you could just tell people? Like small things that come up & bother you in your life? Things that really aren't a big deal, but you would just feel better if someone knew? But you refrain from telling people those things because you know that no one will get it..no one will understand..& people will probably just think you are stupid, over-exaggerating, or just down-right dumb? Or maybe you feel as though you will simply burden them by telling them whatever is on your heart? I feel that way sometimes. I honestly feel like sometimes no one understands me. Not even me sometimes. ha. But I guess all that matters is that I don't have to keep anything bottled up. God knows. And I can talk to Him. That helps a lot.

I don't know where I am going anymore. I sometimes question my future. I know that law is where my heart is. I want this degree more than anything. But I am a little uncertain as to what exactly I want to do with it sometimes. I know I wanna practice law for a bit, but not forever. I think the FBI/CIA would be cool. Maybe even being a judge one day? IDK. Some people tell me not to think about these things..but since job interviewing starts the second year, I kind of have to. I have a lot of big decisions on my plate. Who knows where I will be in two years...I may not even be in Texas. There is no telling.

K now I am just rambling. I am tired. So I am going to bed. Goodnight blog readers. Hope this wasn't too boring of a read!

"Who, being loved, is poor?"

So it’s time for another blog. It’s been a long while! So let me fill you in on my happenings since my study abroad trip to France. Umm, let’s see, well I got back from France, & the very next day after, I started summer school here in Lubbock. I only took one class the 2nd summer session, legal malpractice. It was an okay class, a little boring, but not too bad. I am still waiting on my grade from that class. Cross your fingers that I did well! Speaking of school, I am really dreading starting back this fall. I start back on Monday & will have one heck of a busy schedule. I am taking 5 classes…including personal responsibility so that I can take the MPRE (Multistate Professional Responsibility Examination) like next semester..which is a test that is required for admission to the bars of all but like 4 U.S. jurisdictions. So yeah..the tests are endless. It’s a lot of work to be a lawyer..lol. Anyways so yeah between 5 classes..I am also going to work 15-20 hours..not to mention doing job interviewing so that I can hopefully have a job lined up with a firm somewhere by the time I graduate..or at least an internship or something for the summer. The way the economy is though, that isn’t guaranteed, so if I don’t have any internships for next summer I am thinking of just studying abroad again so that maybe I can finish law school a semester early, take the February bar, & be done at 24. But..that’s a long shot..so we will see what God has in store.

Besides school talk, the rest of my summer was spent working & traveling. I just got back from Cabo San Lucas, Mexico on Monday. I went on a week long vaca trip with a few of my favorite girlfriends. It was so much fun! We stayed at Hacienda del Mar, which was absolutely freaking amazing! Check out the website for proof: http://www.haciendadelmar.com.mx/

The resort is on a private beach, so we just hung out on the beach every afternoon under the tiki huts just chilling out, soaking up the sun, & drinking pina coladas or lava floats. We also got the opportunity to go snorkeling and swam with fish the size of cantaloupe! It was so beautiful & the water was so blue & clear. I got super sunburned though..eekkk! But my summer tan will fade away in a few weeks I’m sure. One of the nights we went on a sunset cruise & went salsa dancing onboard the boat & had dinner.

All of us girls on the cruise.

A little 15 year old boy telling me all about what he wanted to be when he grew up. He was quite the character.

The sunset cruise was beautiful. We got to see the famous Arc de Los Cabos. While in Mexico, we had some really good food at a few authentic Mexican restaurants, not to mention getting the opportunity to experience authentic music played by a really good mariachi band..& Salsa music from a Cuban band. I have a few videos that I will definitely post later. I can’t find my camera cord at the moment..but I will put them up tomorrow sometime! Here are some more pix though :) (Click on them to enlarge, if ya want)





This week I am just trying to live it up while I can. I am going back to work tomorrow & work for the rest of the week, including Saturday, & then on Sunday I’ll be in the church daycare working for a bit after I go to the 9:30 service at my church. Then Monday it’s back to misery..aka law school. I hope that this semester is much better than the last one & that things only continue to look up! I know that God has a plan for me…bigger & better than I could ever imagine!
So now onto the emotional stuff. The stuff that goes on inside of me. The stuff that a lot of people don’t know, or don’t care to find out. I guess it is far easier to start off by inserting some song lyrics from Frank Sinatra’s song,

“Tell Her You Love Her Each Day.”

Here is part of the song:
Tell her you love her each day
You’ll make her happy that way
A simple “I love you” means more than money
And, with a kiss or two her life is sunny

Give her a reason to live
She needs the love that you give
Always remember that is what she lives for
She hopes you love her
Tell her you love her
Tell her you love her today

Well said. Anyway, the whole point of me posting that, is because I am going to start a realization that I just had tonight. Something that breaks away from tradition. A wise person once said, “Women, unlike men, love with their ears.” Maybe that is true. As a woman, I love to hear those words..the 4 lettered word that some people cringe at even saying or thinking about. What is it you may ask? Love. Or as I like to say, the L disease. Haha. Anyway, so I got to thinking about this whole dilemma. Do you tell someone you love them every day, or do you not? I have always said it every day, to my family, friends, & loved ones because to me, life is too short & you can never say it enough. I think one of the most important life lessons that I have learned from the death of close ones around me…that I carry with me & remember daily, is that life is precious & you can leave this earth just as suddenly as you enter it. And, for that reason, saying the words, “I love you” are important because it could be the last words you ever hear from a person…words that would stick with you for the rest of your life. So..you should tell your loved ones you love them TODAY, because there may not be a tomorrow. I also think that if you truly mean the words, you can never say "I love you" to the people you care about too much. I think the greatest feeling is to love & be loved in return. Those words can really turn the crappiest day around & just make you feel complete & whole again. I dunno, though, I am used to saying those words frequently to my mom & my grandma every time I get off the phone with them or get done visiting with them in person…maybe that’s just a small town thing. Don’t know. But what I do know is that there is rarely a phone conversation that I have with my loved ones that goes by that does not end with an “I love you.” At least from my end anyway. I will never forget a conversation that I had with a friend once after she lost her dad. She said he never told her that he loved her, but on the day that he died, he did. And then she never saw him again. And she just talked about how those words stuck with her. Of course she always KNEW he loved her. But it’s different when you hear those words. Besides, I think it is healthy & important to be able to express to the people that we care about how we feel. You always hear about children who grow up in a family where their parents didn't ever say the L word much. Because of that, they, in turn, have issues showing love to others later..or expressing it. And the void that hearing those words fills...is amazing. But I realized something tonight. Not everyone is as open and as affectionate about expressing love or just feelings in general as I am. And my realization tonight goes further. I have realized that that’s okay.

So let me discuss this from the other side…so that I can tie in my realization. This is where my sociology degree comes into the works..lol. I think as a society, we are encouraged to hang our hopes on hearing the words, "I love you," constantly in a relationship, because tradition implies that if someone is willing to say it, then it must be true. And if someone isn't saying it, then maybe it isn't true, and we should worry (which most girls, including MYSELF..do). Even worse, if we know that not saying it is causing someone to worry, we might say it out of a sense of obligation. This is the destruction of romance. However, here is my realization: Maybe we should free ourselves from the bonds of such tradition. I think that by doing so, we allow ourselves to look beyond the symbolism & notice the sincere, silent, immaterial demonstrations of love that can happen and happen every day. We would then no longer rely on the words, “I love you,” to sustain a relationship. Instead, we can rely on what is shown to us, and, in this way, also avoid taking things for granted. So then..when someone tells you that they love you, the words will mean so much more & not become so mundane & routine.

…huge realization for me. Definitely had to think about that one..& think about it long & hard. But I get it. And it’s okay that some people aren’t as open as I am. My job isn’t to change people & make them be more like me, but to embrace them for who they are. Besides, I guess hearing the words “I love you” every day isn’t something that made it to the “Top ways to win my heart” list. In case some of you don’t know what I am talking about…this is what it is:
Eight ways to win my heart:
8. Be confident. Confidence is infinitely sexy. Notice the word ‘confidence’ and the lack of the word ‘cockiness.’
7. Tell me I’m beautiful. Girls (well, most girls… well… me) want to hear that we’re beautiful. Stunning. Gorgeous. Skinny as heck. If it’s not true, the goofier it sounds to you, the more we’ll like it. And by we, I mean… me.
6. Call me. Text me. Send me flowers just because. These are the sorts of little things that let me know you’re thinking of me. And I like to know that.
5. Be a gentleman.
4. Respect me.
3. Love my family; their quirks, mishaps, and funny sayings. My family is apart of me so, you must love them too.
2. Take care of me. Even though I am an independent girl, take care of me still. Take care of me when I'm upset, when I'm stressed, when I'm sick (that means holding my hair as I puke or throwing away my used kleenex), and when I don't even need to be taken care of. Just make sure that I always feel safe with you and that I'll always be okay.
1. Be a man of God. Let him into your heart and be your guide. Pray for me that I will be the best woman of God I can be to you. Pray for yourself - that you will be a better man to me that you were the day before. And then pray for us. Pray that we will grow with God as one and make him the center of our relationship.

And my heart is already won. :)
Anyway…second realization. I need to stop worrying so much. So what did I turn to remedy this situation? My Bible. And what does God say about worrying? Well…lots. But here is one verse:

Philippians 4:6-7
"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Well said! So instead of letting things get to me from worrying so much, I need to just let go, & let God. And I think I will be amazed at the peace that I will feel by doing that…

Now I feel much better. And I have to say that I am such a blessed girl right now. I mean, I seriously have always been blessed, of course. I mean, to put it frankly, I am just blessed to be able to see another day on this earth! But, God has made the my blessings more apparent in my life lately, & for that I am forever thankful. Crazy how God puts people into your life when you least expect it, but that is exactly what He has done. And hey..I'm not complaining. My heart these days is pretty complete :)

I know that I am a pretty difficult person to put up with at times, & I can also be very stubborn, but I pray that with God's love and grace, I can overcome those things & be just like the virtuous woman in Proverbs. I also hope & pray that God gives me the strength & wisdom to get through another year of law school. I have one down..now if I can only get those other 2 out of the way..I'll be golden! :)

This year is definitely a year of changes. A year of disappointments. A year of tears. A year of trials. And a year of tribulations. But, it's also a year of happiness. True happiness. And for the first time in my life, I have really come to know the definition of love. Not the worldy defintion, but the TRUE definition.

I am glad that God has revealed that to me.

Be well..be blessed.



That is all peeps!