* Be mindful what you toss away, be careful what you push away, and think hard before walking away...

Is the last person you texted single?
yup

Do you get jealous easily?
nope

Are you wasting your time on the person you like?
good question

What are you currently waiting for?
lots of things. mostly for school to be over with this semester...& for someone to make up their mind.

Do you think more about the past, present, or future?
future..although i need to focus more on the present & take everything one day at a time...

Honestly, do you really love the last person you said I love you too?
yup

Is anything wrong with your eyes?
no..just that my right eye isn't 20/20 anymore...

Do you have nice eyes?
i think so

Have you ever received a love letter more than a page long?
yupppp

If something was wrong who would be the first girl you'd go to?
maritza..cuz she's here & she's been through so much & completely understands me!

Is this year the best year of your life?
no.

How do you feel about Dr Pepper?
it's my fav..but i never drink soda...try to stay away from em...

Do you go to the tanning bed on a regular basis?
def not, i have a natural tan!

Have you ever thought someone died, when they really didn't?
yeah.

Does your bedroom need cleaning?
yeah..i need to dust.

Are you comfortable with your height?
yeah. i wish i was a little bit taller..but hey we can't have it all right?

Do you act differently around the person you like?
nope. i'm just me.

Do you think anyone has feelings for you?
oh i know several people do...

Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?
yes sir...

Do you like thunderstorms?
no, they scare me.

How fast does your mood change?
not very often. im not the kind of person who is hot one minute & cold the next. i'm usually pretty happy go lucky unless you make me very angry...

Are there things that can't be joked about with you?
a few things...like my weight among others.

What do you always take with you?
phone

When is your birthday?
May 5

Anything on your walls?
yup

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 6 months or more?
i def can. the real question is can the other person?

Do you crack your knuckles?
haha yup

Do you feel comfortable getting up and giving speeches?
yup. guess i'd have to be comfortable..being that i am going to be a lawyer one day & will one day be in the court room....

Does anyone know your passwords besides you?
no, but i'm sure my ex could probably guess them. he knew me very well & once u know one password of mine..u know them all. hah.

Have you ever kissed someone in the rain?
nope, but i'd like to.

What is the last non-alcoholic beverage you had?
water

I bet you miss somebody right now?
yup.

Do you think anyone misses you right now?
Honestly, I'm not so sure. I wonder that...

Do you have a box where you keep all your important things?
mhmmm

Can you count past 100?
of course. that'd be kind of...worriesome if i'm half way through with law school & couldn't.

If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive?
if i had the gear

Are you afraid of shots?
not afraid to get them, just afraid of needles

Is there someone you can tell anything to?
yup

At this moment in time if you HAD to have someone's name tattooed on you, who would it be?
Jesus

Has anyone called you perfect before?
yup..but i'm far from it.

Do your best friends parents like you?
yes. they love me.

Are any of your friends taller than you?
oh yeah most def. like a good chunk of them. haha.

Do you prefer the ocean or pool?
ocean

Ever really cried your heart out?
yup. just the other day, actually.

Are you the same person as you were at the beginning of 2009?
not at all

Is there a difference between love and IN love?
yup. a very STARK difference.

Have you ever been on a motorcycle?
never

Does it bother you when someone says they will call you and they don't?
yes. what good is a man without his word? if you say you're going to do something, DO IT. it's not a difficult concept...

Do you speak any other language other than English?
mas o menos espanol....pero mi espanol es no perfecto...

Did 2008 treat you good?
yes.

Do you think you were raised well?
very much so..thanks to my mom & gma.

Are you someone's best friend?
yes.

Where was the last place you were when you got sick?
home. i'm kinda sick right now..allergies. :(

What's your favorite super-hero?
GOD :)

Pen or pencil?
pen

Do you get bad headaches?
yes..migraines.

Does it matter if your boyfriend/ girlfriend smokes?
yes. i hate smoking. it's disgusting & is def a turn off...

Do you think two people can last forever?
yup..but only if they are willing to work at it...

Do you consider yourself lucky?
not lucky..blessed.

Is there someone that cares about you more than themselves?
i hope

If someone walks away from you, do you let them?
i will def put up a fight for em because i think if u love anybody, u should at least try to keep them from leaving u. but really, it's their choice. & i think that just cuz someone leaves u does NOT in & of itself necessarily mean they don't love u..rather, it's about their COMMITTMENT to love. they obviously didn't have that part of it. but i also think that actions speak louder than words...& leaving someone, indefinitely, to me, only says one thing.....

Has a song ever made you cry?
yes.

A book ever made you cry?
yes.

Is your handwriting large, tiny, or pretty normal?
pretty normal

Your phone rings, what do you say?
hello or yo

Ever been on a basketball or Volleyball team?
yes to both

Is your birthday on a holiday?
yes..Cinco de Mayo

Do you ever cry during romantic movies?
sometimes

Do you always answer your phone?
most of the time

Is there someone you wish you were still close with?
yup

Where do you see yourself in the next 3-5 years?
Uh wow. Good question. I'll have graduated law school..taken the bar...& should be moving to wherever I get a job..unless I am like engaged & about to get married..then I guess I'd be moving wherever made the most sense. But..dont' see that one happening anytime in the near future...so graduating law school & getting a job whether it is with a law firm or with the FBI...is my plan...

What annoys you the most?
Racist people, ignorance, people who think they know me, arrogance, no manners (smacking with your mouth open, not saying excuse me when you burp, ect.), when someone tells me they are going to do something & then don't, ect.

What's are the three most important aspects of any relationship, in your opinion?
God, communication, & trust

When is the last time someone asked you out on a date?
Yesterday.

When will your next date be?
Who knows.

What's your favorite color?
Pink

Favorite season?
Summer, but I love all the wardrobe possibilities for winter.

"Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good; His love endures forever." Psalm 107:1

The 3 Selmon Sisters on Turkey Day!!!


Again, with Kayla's camera!

"The Lord will either calm your storm...or allow it to rage while He calms you..."

Well here I am once again…sleepless night, great music, thoughts constantly running through my mind. So much has been on my mind lately, I don’t even know where to start. For the first time in my life, I am scared about my future. I don’t know what I want to do with my life anymore. I’ve always been a planner & a go getter, I’d have my eye on the ball & go out & get it. When I graduated from high school, I just knew I wanted to be a psychology major. So that’s what I declared. After doing psychology for awhile (which was very interesting, I may add) I realized how much research was involved & decided that I hated it & that it wasn’t for me. So what did I do? I changed my major to sociology with a concentration in criminology, minor in English. Best decision I could have ever made. I loved my classes. I always knew since the age of 12 that I wanted to go to law school. It still awes me that I have made it this far, that the dream I had when I was a little girl is now coming true. I have always had a love for criminal law. I get so excited about it when I am at work dealing with a case or clients or reading a criminal court case in my book. Criminal law is my passion. However, more recently, I have decided that I don’t think I want to practice law for the rest of my life. I know what you’re thinking. What? Are you serious? Really? Why? Well, let me explain. Before coming to law school, I always said that I never wanted to practice law for the rest of my life. And now that I have done the whole law firm thing & do legal research & write papers all the live long day for the attorneys I work for…I have realized that my prior statement holds true. I can’t do this forever. I want to do it for awhile & then work for the government or join the FBI. So basically I think I want to dedicate my life to public service of some sort. Not the best pay in the world as far as salaries for attorneys go, but I’m not concerned about the $$. I’m concerned about my happiness. I really feel like this is what I am destined to do with my life. However, I know that no matter what, God is watching out for me. He has a plan bigger than I could ever imagine, & eventually it will all play out. Just gotta be patient & trust in Him!

Have you ever felt emotionally distant from someone? Whether it is with a friend, a family member, or your significant other? Perhaps you feel that the other person just isn’t “there” somehow, when you are no longer able to connect with them? You feel like you’re talking to & sharing your honest feelings with a wall..&when that person offers a response to whatever you say, it’s remote, guarding, lacking in intimacy...

Here’s where the many psychology classes that I took in vain come into play. Ever heard of Sigmund Freud? He’s a famous neurologist who founded the school of psychology. Very smart man. Also kind of weird (but that’s besides the point..ha!) Anyway, here are 4 ways people who are emotionally distant usually respond. This is in terms of a personal relationship, but these very responses apply to every day relationships with friends & family, as well.

Projection. "Me, distant? No way! You're distant, you're hardly ever home, and you never initiate conversation." She assigns her feelings to him so she doesn't have to face that she no longer connects with her partner. Her feelings are pushed outside of herself, which alleviates anxiety and tension because her feelings are expressed and admitted – but not accepted as her own.

Denial. "You're crazy! We're just as close as we were when we got married. You don't know what you're talking about." She refuses to admit the reality of the emotional distance. You know you no longer connect with your partner, and you're certainly not crazy! This defense mechanism is the opposite of repression, which releases control from internal pressures. Denial releases control from external pressures.

Reaction formation. "Emotionally distant? But I love you and want to be near you all the time. Can we spent the weekend together, just the two of us?" She's convinced herself that there are no problems in the relationship; she loves her partner more than ever and doesn't admit not connecting with her partner. True feelings are hidden because they're too hard to handle. She does a complete about face, becoming extremely solicitous, loving, and attentive.

Repression. "Distant? I have no idea what you're talking about. We talk every day, don't we?" She's repressing her feelings. It's not a conscious, deliberate forgetting; it's unconscious. She may not even be aware that she's shutting her partner out and becoming more emotionally distant; she just has a desire to subdue her impulses. This leads her to no longer connect with her partner.

Have you experienced any of those? I'm pretty sure everyone has at some point in their lives. I feel right now some people are being emotionally distant from me, & it really bothers me. Especially when it is unexplainable. I heard once that the real silent killer of a relationship with anyone isn’t fighting; it’s distancing yourself away from that person. Does that surprise you? It’s amazing how much what you don’t say to someone or don’t FEEL for someone or don’t SHOW for someone…affects them. Emotional distance can destroy any relationship or change the dynamics of it completely. It can also cause unhappiness or cause the other person to confide emotionally in someone else. For relationships, that would be emotional cheating! (& yes I do believe that there is a such thing as that!) Anyway, it's super frustrating when you try to talk to that person, try to tell them what's on your mind,that you're not crazy, that they are actually pushing you away, that you are noticing it, that you really don't like the way it is making you feel, that a person can only push you so far before there is no point of return, that that person isn't treating you like they were before, ect...yeah it's super frustrating when you try to tell that person & they won't listen or become immediately defensive about the whole situation. Colbie Caillat said it best:

"Take time..to realize...."

So true! I've realized a lot lately that you can't make someone do anything. You can't make someone want to talk to you. You can't make someone want to say something. You can't make someone love you or feel any other emotion towards you. You can't make someone SHOW you that they care (whether it is through cards, flowers, or anything else). You can't even make someone think about you. All you can do is hope & pray that eventually that person will come around & that God's will, will be done. Amen..

Next on my mind. I had a very interesting convo tonight with one of my very best guy friends. After listening to him talk about some girl drama he has going on, he made the following statement:

“Women are just too emotional.”

I’m generally not fond of stereotypes, yet there is one that really drives me insane! (And I seem to have heard it a lot lately!) Anyway, I think that phrase is a gender stereotype. I know from experience that some men are more emotional than women. However, society states that females are more driven by emotions. To say that being emotional is just a female trait is very ignorant & uneducated. Perhaps females are more capable of showing emotion because it is more acceptable. If a man were to admit to crying, he would be mocked & have his masculinity challenged. Shouldn’t there be a balance between emotions & logic? I believe there should be a combination of both traits in order to effectively represent the wishes of others with a level head. To be simply logic driven would result in an impersonal & cold approach to others. I think that society has shaped who shows emotions the most in our world and that would be women. What’s more is that a woman has hormones raging through her body once a month when George from Red River comes to visit. Not so fun. I wish a guy could walk a day in a woman’s shoes. Then they might get it. It’s like that song by Beyonce, “If I were a boy.”

But you’re just a boy you don’t understand.
And you don’t understand, oh.
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you wish you were a better man
You don’t listen to her.
You don’t care how it hurts.
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you’re taking her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed.
But you’re just a boy….

Anyway. So I was thinking about how far I have come in terms of my faith over the last year. It's been almost a year since the infamous breakup...& the woman that I am today is so far away from the woman I was this time last year. I have grown up so much, experienced heart break, independence, new opportunities, & also a new love. I've felt what it feels like to be at the bottom & experienced what it's like to be at the top. God has truly blessed me & has put some pretty amazing people in my life; people that will never realize how much of a blessing they truly are to me. The road I am on in terms of my faith is not some little back woods dirt road anymore. It's a fully paved, painted, & sturdy highway that is unwavering & seeks to only grow & get stronger! :)

Another thing that has changed for me: my confidence. For those of you that know me, who REALLY know me, you know that confidence is something I have struggled my whole life with (for a multitude of reasons which I will not go into at this moment). I've always struggled with my self image & the person that reflects back at me in the mirror. In fact, it wasn't until I got to college that I really felt comfortable in my own skin & began to hold my head a little bit higher. Anyway, through all the many life changes that I have gone through, I have met a special someone who made me realize that it isn't the things you are insecure about that hold you back in life...it's having the insecurity alone and holding yourself back. So very true.

I realized that I will probably never be a 105lb skinny minny. I have curves, some say a coca cola bottle others say a pear shape. But either way, I have curves! I even have some stretch marks on my inner thigh from when I grew too fast as a kid, & I think I have some on my right hip, too. Yes I go to the gym & work out & care about how I look, & I also care about how I eat, but I will always have a weakness for chocolate chip cookie dough & ice cream & even cheesecake, & I am perfectly okay with that. As far as appearance is concerned, it takes too dang long to look like a princess every morning with perfect makeup, perfectly straightened or freshly curled hair, with a cute dress on, fabulous heels, & smooth shaven legs (unless it's a special event or something else). To be honest, I really enjoy walking around my house in a pair of sweats and a tee-shirt with my hair pulled back & no makeup on. I have lots of fuzzy baby hair that likes to fall out of my pony tail from time to time & in the winter my hair has lots of static electricity in it & tends to fly away. If I am in a study mood, I might decide to wear my glasses, but I happen to think I look pretty cute in them. My nail polish is always chipped after only a few days, & I am too lazy to change it or fix it so sometimes it stays that way for awhile. When I get stressed out or even when it's that fabulous time of the month, I sometimes break out. Not bad break outs, but I may get a pimple here & there & there is absolutely nothing that I can do about it. My teeth are mostly straight, but not PERFECTLY straight or even 100% white. I'm pretty darn stubborn, I say things sometimes without thinking, I am ditzy, clutzy, & sometimes I run into things without even paying attention. I'm accident prone, my allergies flare up often, & I bite my nails when I am nervous or bored or even just because. I don't have the biggest boobs, I'm short, & have scars on my legs from accidents that I had when I was a kid. A lot of my clothes are not designer brand, in fact, I happen to like getting stuff from cheap stores like Forever21 every now & then. I love to dress up, but again, would take a pair of kicks any day. My hair is naturally curly & when it's super humid outside it gets a little crazy & frizzy fro-ish. Sometimes I snort when I laugh, & I talk in my sleep. Speaking of sleep, I don't necessarily look like a beauty queen when I wake up in the mornings, either.

But you know something? I like me. I like who I am. I am happy with myself-flaws & all. I am confident. I know that I can do anything that I can set my mind to, & nothing or no one can stop me. If someone doesn't like me for who I am, then they weren't worth my time to begin with. As Marilyn Monroe once said,

"If you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best!"

Thank you to the person who made me realize that confidence is the sexiest thing a woman can wear. Just another way that you have truly been a blessing in my life! (You should know who you are!)

Well, that's all I got. It is now WAYYY past my bed time (3 in the AM) & I gotta get up for church in the AM. But I will say this: Writing has always been my way of venting (especially when so many people often times don't want to hear what I have to say or get tired of listening or just don't wanna talk about stuff). So, this way, I get it all out, & I feel much better, & I don't have the weight of the world on my shoulders anymore! Woo hoo!

Goodnight and God bless. Please keep me in your prayers these next few weeks as I study & prepare for my law school final exams.