My how life has changed!

Well it has been forever since I have updated my blog, and boy has life changed! I have been meaning to get better about updating, but sometimes I honestly think to myself...hmmm..do people even really read this thing? I know that people obviously do..but I guess I just feel like I don't really have anything important to say or much exciting news to report on. lol. But, I digress. Let’s see where I left off.

The last time I updated, I had been in a car accident.

Fast forward to the present, and I am now a married woman, have a new job, and now settling into life in the big city of Amarillo (insert sarcasm here).

Anddddddd, today is me and Marlon's one month anniversary of being married!!! So happy anni to my handsome hubby!!! :)

So now let's talk about the wedding.

First we got engaged..and it was totally perfect and super sweet. I had been dreaming about that moment since I was a little girl. Who would it happen with? Where would we be? How would he do it? What would I be wearing? What would my reaction be? Would I cry, smile, shriek, or be perfectly speechless? Would my nails be done or not? Would the ring be sized perfectly or fall off of my finger?

It’s funny how we women think of all of these seemingly small and insignificant details. The little things. And yet, with each passing year, life seems to get more and more complex. Trials and tribulations come. Tragedies strike. People that we know receive devastating news that rocks us to the core. Our loved ones get hurt. We weather many storms. And when we come out on the other side, suddenly a “normal” wedding seems like just a lot of over-the-top fuss and bother. At least that was the case for me.

Once upon a time, when I was a little girl, I wanted a big wedding. And back in those days, I dreamed of all of these eccentric, fairytale details…everything from the dress, the hair, the wedding location, the exotic honeymoon, etc. Money wasn’t an object then because I just figured I would find a way to pay for it or that my future husband would be rich. Then, I got older and actually understood the concept of money and that, well, it doesn’t just fall into your lap or grow on trees. I also realized that I didn’t come from money, and therefore, I didn’t have a mommy and daddy to foot the bill. Thus, anything that I wanted, I would have to get for myself. And I did. And still do.

I used to joke around about that movie 27 Dresses because that was totally my life story. I was always the bridesmaid and never the bride. And I had a little colorful collection of bridesmaid dresses to show for it. After my 6th time of being a bridesmaid, though, something inside of me changed. It was then that I decided once and for all, that I absolutely did not want a big wedding anymore. Nope. After seeing and experiencing first-hand, the stresses that each of the bride-to-be’s had to endure as well as the boo-koo’s of money that they spent on the whole fiasco; I had revamped my idea of what my dream wedding would be. And my mind was made up. I wanted to run away to a destination somewhere and just elope. I wanted the ceremony to only be me, him, the minister, and God. On the beach. At sunset. No more, no less. That’s it.

Well, I thought I was on that track to making that plan happen. Until the day came that I actually got engaged and the realization that I am pregnant set in. Somehow, I still believed that the beach dream wedding idea could still be a possibility, but then I had a light bulb moment. I had just started my new job and couldn’t take any time off from work until Mariah Jade is born. But you know what? I was perfectly content with that.

After attending a marriage seminar and really reflecting on the biblical principles that make up a marriage, I realized that sometimes…those “little things” aren’t really so important. Not even in the slightest. Not at all. Yes, it’s okay to have those desires. Yes, it’s okay to want to have a nice wedding. But, weddings don’t make marriages. And in a few months and years, no one will remember what kind of food you served at the reception or what color scheme you used. And unfortunately, no one will remember what your floral arrangement consisted of or whether they were authentic or silk. They won’t remember any of those little details. Only the person who paid for the wedding will remember all of those seemingly small, insignificant details and the dent it made in their checkbook. And it’s only when you look back in an album, that those memories will surface.

I know some people who have had the dreamiest of weddings…who are now currently divorced. And then I also know some people who just went and got married at the court house, but have been together for 15 years. Funny how that works huh?

Anyway, so to make a long story short, Marlon and I found a cute bed and breakfast outside of Ft. Worth on 37 acres of ranch land. And we saw that they had wedding packages and decided to do it there. When we arrived at the bed and breakfast, we found out that they had upgraded us to a private cottage in a suite. The suite normally went for $300+ a night, but they didn't charge us for it, of course. They were just upgrading us to be nice. I call that an answered prayer...because the room was absolutely AMAZING. It had a jacuzzi in it and everything. So nice!

Anyway...so we got married on Saturday, September 1, 2012 outside underneath a gazebo and a bunch of big, beautiful oak trees. It was just me, him, the minister, and God. And it was perfect. We said our vows and then the minister started off our marriage the best way that he knew how; and that is in prayer. So we all held hands and prayed and then afterwards, we took pictures. I had a very sweet girl that I went to college with take our pictures. She's a photographer in the area (& a talented one at that) so it worked out! And now....fast forward to the present, and I have a pretty handsome hunk of a husband. Love him to pieces!

It's so weird to say that my last name is actually Smith now. But I love it. And I love being introduced as his wife..and introducing him as my husband...especially because we prayed for marriage for SO long. And now it finally happened.

Me and Marlon have started going to a married couple's bible study on Wednesday nights with several other couples. And we love it! And we love the people. So many of the wives have reached out to me and have made an attempt to make me feel at home and comfortable in Amarillo. And that, again, is another prayer answered because it hasn't been an easy adjustment for me. And not knowing many people here has been hard. So what a blessing each and every one of them are! They are all so sweet! We love our life group family!

Aside from all of that, I've just been pretty busy with my job. I am in training right now in Abilene..so I have been doing frequent traveling between Amarillo and Abilene (which is a 4.5 hour drive). Not fun...and especially not fun while almost 6 months pregnant. I basically have to do 8 weeks of classroom training & then like 5 weeks of on the job training. The classroom training is in Abilene..so I've been going for a week at a time..then coming back..then going..then coming back..etc. Yuck! It makes doctor's appointments pretty difficult to schedule. And also makes it stressful to get Mariah's room ready and stuff. I am thankful, though, that I am very comfortable in my hotel. It's pretty nice. And since I've been here, I have been taking advantage of the indoor swimming pool & gym & staying very active. I was kind of embarrassed to get into my bikini, at first, because it is my pre-pregnancy bikini. But, it still fits, and I don't look too scary in it (yet) haha so I have been wearing it and getting in the pool until I'm a wrinkled prune.

In other news, miss Mariah Jade is definitely growing! And moving more and more. And my tummy is definitely becoming more prominent. This whole concept of gaining weight hasn't exactly been easy to tackle. I have always been extremely self conscious about my appearance/body...so stepping on the scale and seeing numbers I've never seen before, was terrifying at first..haha. But I know that's just one of the joys of mommyhood. Luckily, I am starting to feel a lot better these days..so that's a plus. Lately, though, I've been dealing with indigestion and acid reflux. Not fun! Me and Marlon finally did our baby registry..and let me tell you, that was kind of hard! haha There are like a hundred million different brands of just about EVERYTHING for a baby, and us being new parents...we had no clue what to put on there. lol. But I guess that's how everyone feels the first time around! Anyway, several people have asked about our registry and baby showers and what not. So for anyone who doesn't already know, we are registered at Target and Babies R Us!

Our next task if getting her room completed. We finally picked out her bedding and lets just say her room will definitely be princessy. The colors we are doing her room in are pink and brown. I'm excited :)

On a random note, I have been doing a lot of thinking today. Just thinking about the roller coaster that I have been on over the last several months..especially thinking back to the day when I first found out that we were pregnant. I was so heart broken at first, devastated, angry, upset. And now here I am...feeling blessed and thankful. God just amazes me. Mariah Jade is going to be one blessed and very loved little girl...by SO many people. And all glory goes to HIM!

This pregnancy has definitely had its share of challenges. And still does. From the beginning..to moving from Houston to Amarillo, getting into a car accident & totaling my car, getting engaged & married, starting a new job, & now doing frequent traveling for my work training (& having to be away from my sweet husband)...it's very hard. And I have felt very down and out many times. And alone. And lonely. I still have my days..even now. It's tough. And I'm pregnant & emotional & hormonal. And none of that helps. But you know what? The sun will shine tomorrow. And I will get through it all.

I'm just keeping it real. How many times have you ever heard that phrase or used it yourself? Probably countless times. I know I have. And I've definitely used it before. But never has it applied to my life more than it does today.

Transparency. What is it? And why do we feel like we cannot be honest with each other? What is so frightening about saying, “If you really want to know, it has been a cruddy day and I’m ready to scream?”

Pride. Vulnerability. That's the answer most of the time. We are not willing for others to see us as we really are – a frail human being. Being transparent though..doesn't mean that we should go on a tangent of a million & one complaints every time someone asks how we are. We just need to be transparent. After all, Jesus was.

Being transparent takes guts. But I have really felt like God has been using me and Marlon's testimony to touch others. I can't tell you how many people reached out to me over the last few months and told me personal stories of their own, admitted to having an abortion, talked with me about pregnancy, etc. I never knew then that my story would touch the lives of other people. But that just shows how amazing God truly is.

Think about your life. What storms are you weathering right now? Or what things have you gone through in the past? Now that you have thought about it...have you ever considered sharing that testimony with others and letting them know how God has worked in your life? I urge you to do so. Let God use you!

Until next time,
Kyndra