"Trust an unknown future to a KNOWN God!"

Heyyyyy! I haven't blogged in awhile, and I said I was going to regularly blog. Oops. MB! (my bad). So here is a brief update on the happenings in my neck of the woods.

I went to New Orleans for a little weekend get away trip with my honey. We had a blast! We stayed at the cutest bed & breakfast (seriously y'all!). The house was built in 1865, and was well preserved and completely French inspired with all the decor and antique furniture. Loved it! It was also only a few blocks away from the French Quarter..so walking distance! We were completely blown away by the hospitality that we received there. The breakfast every morning was amazing (one morning we had home-made waffles with fresh fruit) & the next morning it was pecan praline french toast casserole from scratch! Talk about deeeee-lish! We also took a little trip to the zoo, and I got to pet an elephant! I was so excited. They feel like wrinkly leather with hair..kind of weird..but it was neat nonethless! We also took a trip down to the Ninth Ward which is where Hurricane Katrina hit and caused the most damage in New Orleans. We went and visited a cemetery, as well. You're probably thinking..uhhh...what? A cemetery?!!! Yeah..well in New Orleans, the burial plots are shallow because the water table is high. So if a person were to dig a few feet down, a grave would become soggy & instantly start filling with water. That would, in turn, make the casket float! So...instead people decided to make the graves above ground tombs to tackle that problem. They often refer to the cemeteries there as the "cities of the dead" because they kind of resemble little villages or something in a way..with all of the statues and crosses and such. Pretty crazy. I tried boudin for the first time (not a fan) and I also tried alligator (wasn't a fan either). All in all though, we had a blast & it was definitely a nice get away for the both of us.

Spring break...came and went. I can't believe it was my last official spring break ever in life...lol. I didn't get to relax or enjoy it though..because I had to go to Atlanta for work. The whole trip was super last minute..but I ended up going. I worked 65 hours during the week and slept very little. On the upside, I got to stay in the Ritz Carlton (which may be the only time in life I ever stay there...LOL) It was such a nice hotel..and the staff and everyone there were so polite and friendly! And the room was very comfortable, to say the least. Also, (and the best part about the entire trip of all..) I got to see one of my best friends...Monica! She lives in Charlotte, NC which is only about 3.5 to 4 hours from Atlanta...so she drove down & stayed two nights with me! I flew out to Atlanta on a Monday and she got there within a few hours of my arrival..so we were able to chat and catch up on everything. The next night we went to an amazing, stylish and contemporary restaurant in mid-town Atlanta. Every single dish that we ordered was HEAVEN. Seriously..it was so so SO good..I thought I was going to have to be rolled out of there because I was so full!

The whole Atlanta trip experience..made me realize what a lonely lifestyle that would be...yet so many people do it. Lots of people choose money over their family (which is fine if that's more important to you) but that lifestyle just wouldn't be for me. I don't see how someone can work 65 or 70 hours in a week..travel and be away from their family...all for the Benjamin$$. Getting wined and dined in the process is no exchange or recompense for precious time with the people you love..in my opinion!

It was SO good to see Mon..words cannot explain! I can't believe we have been friends since freshman year of college. Time flies! But in all seriousness, I couldn't imagine my life without her friendship. She is truly a blessing! Seeing her and catching up, was definitely much needed...especially because I feel so lonely here in Houston. It's kind of weird because yes I know some people that do live here in Houston and have some friends that live here, as well. However, I feel like I am secluded in my own world because I live on the opposite side of Houston (from them) and our lifestyles are drastically different. I work full time AND go to grad school full time...which takes away a significant amount of free time from my schedule. Also, on the occasion that I am free, since I commute to downtown Houston every day for work..sometimes the last thing I want to do is drive to Houston again to meet up & do something. I'm just too tired by the weekend! And..even if I am up for doing something...some of my friends are all boo'ed up and in love..and I don't want to be a third wheel! Unfortunately, my boyfriend doesn't live here in Houston...so he can't always keep me company either. So because of all of that...I often spend a lot of time alone. Ironically, though, my alone-ness has actually been a blessing in disguise..because in my almost two years here..I have learned what being independent is all about. I have always worked and paid for my own things, so that's not the type of independence that I am talking about. What I mean, is that I have had to learn to tackle this world on my own. I don't have family down the street..or a friend next door that can help me. I have to figure it out myself. I had to find my own way..figure out how to get to/from places...navigate around...ect. At the end of the day..I had to learn how to be secure enough in myself..happy enough with myself...to find my own activities to do. I learned that it's okay to go to a movie by yourself..it's okay to go on a shopping adventure by yourself...it's okay to just be alone. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to be alone all the time..lol..but I have learned to be content in myself..instead of being one of those extra needy people that has to be around someone all the time. I give all the glory to God, though, because when I first moved here, there were lots of tears that were shed. There were many tears of loneliness..cries of desperation...feelings of frustration because I was lost or didn't know how to get somewhere. And the feeling of being alone..the agonizing silence that I experience day after day when I come home...those were times that I leaned on God instead. I could have felt sorry for myself..but instead I used that time to grow more..and to read more of the word. I also do a devotional every night with Marlon on the phone or via skype. Even though we are far apart, we have grown so close spiritually together. It's so awesome seeing God at work!!!! People often ask me how we make long distance work..and I will tell you that besides all of the plane tickets (lol) it mostly has to do with God and the fact that we have made Him the center of our relationship. Our relationship is wearing the armor of God..so when the enemy tries to attack us..we are ready!

Anyway, I have grown so much since I left law school and Lubbock. It's amazing to me because I remember back then..thinking I WAS GROWN! haha. I guess the "twenties years" are a lot about growth and change...working through awkwardness..independence...and finding your niche in this world. I can finally say that I am well on my way! I graduate May 19th...and I feel like it is coming so fast. It's a day that I have waited for..worked for..for forever it seems like...and it's finally almost here. I prayed for this day..hoped for this day...wished for this day..and now all of my hard work is coming to fruition. I almost wish I could make time stop for a little bit..just because I feel a little afraid. I know it's silly..but I kind of do. I feel like my whole life has depended/revolved around school..and now that I am finally going to be finished...what will that mean? I reflected on this today..and read this Bible verse..which calmed me and gave me peace.

“But when I am afraid, I will put my trust in You. I praise God for what He has promised. I trust in God, so why should I be afraid?” (Psalm 56:3-4, ESV)

So true. Of course it's easier said than done..but oh when we do it...it's amazing the peace that we feel! God is in complete control of my life and I know that He has something great in store for me! He isn't just preparing me for IT..He is preparing IT for me!!!! I can't wait to see what that "IT" is. I have no idea what I will be doing after graduation just yet...but me and Marlon have prayed about it for almost an entire year (seriously!). So I know God is going to open up some big doors. I have been applying to many jobs lately..and luckily none of my apps have been rejected..they are just "under review." The process for working at a government job is such a...well..PROCESS!

How many of you are anxious about your future? Fearful even? Do you live in the present moment...but let your mind travel years from now..spending more time on the what ifs that you forget the what nows? I know that I am guilty as charged..haha..."But I am trusting you, O LORD, saying, ‘You are my God!’ My future is in your hands.” Psalms 31:14-15 (NLT)

I heard a quote once...that you can "Trust an unknown future to a KNOWN God!" Ammmennn! God already has it all mapped out...so stop worrying..stop letting the devil make you question how it is all going to work out. Instead, let God direct your paths..and give your worries to Him. He's got the rest. :) I can't wait to see what God has in store for my life! And also..in YOURS! :)

Things that make ya go HMMM...

What a week! I started back to school on Tuesday (my last semester...YEAHHH!) I was so not looking forward to coming back after the holidays, but at the same time I was desperately ready to go back so that I can zip through this semester & hurry up & graduate. My classes are definitely going to be a lot of work. A LOT. OF. WORK. I am not writing a thesis for my masters; instead, I am taking a class in which we have to write a paper (& get it ready for publication to a major criminological journal!) & also do a project in a neighborhood in Houston. Once I have chosen my neighborhood, I have to go to the Homeowner's Association meetings, find out as much as I can about the area, examine crime statistics, the what, where, why, what has worked to prevent such crime from occuring, what hasn't worked, what things are in place to help prevent it in the future, and so on. SIDENOTE**I may need to take a shank with me..pepper spray..or other weaponry..haha. We get to PICK our neighborhood..but it can't be the same as anyone else's..& it has to be on the "Super Neighborhood" list. SOOO hopefully I get a legit neighborhood that isn't TOO unsafe. Anyway..so after that's all squared away, I have to come up with a plan to combat the crime problem for the next three years within that neighborhood...& it must be supported with research & theory, of course. I also have to do two presentations for that class..& several more drafts of my paper..& I also have a mid-term & a final. That's just ONE class. The other class is criminological research & statistics..& we have to do all statistics computations by HAND. Ugh. Gag me. I am SO not a math person. So I am definitely not looking forward to that either. My last class is an independent study class which is the Innocence Project of Texas. We are working on lots of neat projects for that, as well, so that will definitely be plenty to keep me busy, too. All of that...AND a full time job. Yeah buddy. Oh & did I mention that I also have ALL A's? You have no idea how proud that makes me..to see my hard work coming to fruition. All I can say is GOD IS GOOD...ALL THE TIME!

I have really been thinking long & hard about the future. I do think that I will probably go back to school eventually & get my PhD..just not NOW. I am so ready to get out into the real world & just live life for a little while. I've been in school for forever it seems..because, well, quite frankly, I have. Between undergraduate, my brief stint with law school, & then graduate school..it has been monotonous & continuous! And I have definitely been through a lot in those years. Don't believe me? Well..take a trip down memory lane & read some of my very first blogs EVER from a few years ago. You might be surprised. That girl back then..is a stranger to me now. I don't even know who she is. That's how much I have changed. That's how much God has done. And the beautiful thing? He's not finished yet! He's JUST getting started people!

I must say that it feels so good to have so many encouraging people in my corner...so many wonderful brothers and sisters of mine in Christ. You never know the magnitude of your words..& just how far they go for a person. Remind yourself of that often; someone could be having the WORST possible day on the earth..& your words determine whether their day continues to be that way or not. You could possibly change it & turn it all around. So thank you for all of the people that love & support me & want to see me prosper in life!

Okay so..now for a brief disclaimer before I get into the real inspiration...the "meat & potatoes" of my blog. First, I am not sure exactly HOW many people read this or even if it is worth me writing. I try to share my link on facebook..just for the simple fact that I know some people do like to read it for sure & keep up with me. So for the other 24927349823490234 who don't..well..sorry bout it. lol.

And also for some of you who are probably doing the eye roll when you read my blog..especially when I mention "all that God stuff..." well...I'm not sorry. Because without God I wouldn't be who I am or where I am. I cannot even tell you how much I have grown in my faith over the last few years. But especially now. My boyfriend and I do a devotional together every night before bed time. I also do a women's devotional on my own & read the Bible alongside with it. I go to church..& when I don't..I watch it online. I'm not saying those things to brag; because none of those things are what save me. But they have helped me grow in my relationship. Tremendously. I remember way back when..I used to think that I just couldn't fathom how some people do that kind of stuff all the time. That kind of stuff refers to doing things like church, reading the bible, praying about everything while worrying about nothing, doing devotionals, ect. I just didn't understand their dedication..or their want to do all of those things. Until I got older. And that's when I realized..how could you not? God loved us so much that He gave His only son..the ultimate sacrifice. How could you not want to know Him more..seek Him more? Become more like Him?

Recently, I have seen a video surfacing around titled "Why I hate religion, but love Jesus." Not gonna lie..it's pretty compelling & thought provoking. It's one of those things that you listen to..that makes you go HMMM. I've seen a lot of people on facebook posting it & reposting it...& about a thousand JILLION people "liking it." So I wanted to share my thoughts.

First, I think a quote that someone once said..sums it up best: "Let your religion be less of a theory and more of a love affair." That is to say that people need to stop focusing so much on the differences between Methodist, Baptist, Protestant, Catholic, ect. & start focusing on the one thing that matters the most: God. The problem occurs when people get the wrong idea that it is in doing those things (doing good works, going to church reguarly, ect.) that they achieve God's favor or salvation, because those are things that only happen through the grace of Jesus alone. You could go to church your entire life..and still go to hell when you die. That's the truth.

However, Jesus loves the church. It says that time and time again in the Bible. So I think a lot of people have gone off the deep end with this whole video..thinking that religion & the church are BAD entirely. Which is not true. That's what the devil would have you to believe though.

Not sure about any of you - but without church in my life...I CAN TELL A DIFFERENCE. Without church..I stop reading the word as much..hearing the word as much..stop praying as much, ect. Church brings it all back home. Being in a place where you can PRAISE Him & a place that helps you grow makes all the difference. Is every church perfect? No. Are there hypocrites out there? Yes. Is everyone who goes to church actually SAVED by the blood of Jesus Christ? No. Sadly, there are a lot of people who go to church..but who aren't actually Christians. It's like that saying.."going to church doesn't make you a Christian..anymore than standing in your garage makes you a car." So true. The devil can get into the church..just like he can get into anything else. And he does. Just look around you.

It's an awfully sad and cold world out there. I definitely could not even begin to understand all of the complexities of the Bible..without something to aid me on the journey..church, fellowship with believers, ect. I heard one person say that "to love Jesus and hate religion completely...is like the equivalent to calling upon a doctor and smashing all of his instruments when he arrives." Let that marinate.

Anddddd that's all I have to say about that. I am not here to start a religious debate with anyone..nor do I wish to go back & forth with anyone in regards to the matter. I am just sharing my thoughts. :)

Until next time...
Blessings!
Kyndra

New Year: Another Chance

Well it's a new year and has been for 2 whole weeks now. Praise God that we made it this far to see yet ANOTHER unpromised year..because the new year represents many things: change, opportunities, new life, and most importantly ANOTHER CHANCE to get life right. Think about that for a minute. Statistics say that by January 30th...most people's new years resolutions have dissipated. I was listening to a church sermon on Tuesday night..& in the sermon, the pastor posed this question: What is driving you?

It sounds like a fairly simple question, right? But not if you really think about it. Meditate on it. Reflect on it. And most importantly, examine yourself. In his sermon, he basically said this: That the one thing that the devil wants among other things from you...is your drive; your passion; your determination. Why? Well, for many reasons. First, Romans 12:11 says this: Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Well..what does spiritual fervor mean? That means your drive, passion, and determination! So in other words, God doesn't want you to lose that! So when you sit around and leave your spiritual life to rot and allow the spirit of laziness to creep in, you aren't advancing yourself, you are just stuck right where you are. You lack your drive and determination! This is not good because there is a lot that God wants to do with you. God wants to USE you..but He can't because you have no drive or determination to seek Him out. Ever heard the adage, "An idle mind is the devil's workshop?" It has relevance!

COUCH POTATO. We have all heard that term. Maybe even used it. Couch potato, couch potato, COACH POTATO! It sounds funny. (*On a random note..do you ever hear words paired together & wonder how in the HECK someone came up with that term or word usage? Like..why a couch & a potato? Why not a couch tomato? Or a couch apple? Okay maybe that's just me...nevermind.) But..the term applies to someone that is lazy. Well what about a couch potato Christian? Are you one of them? I just came up with that term, so bear with me.

I personally know first hand what it means to struggle with the spirit of laziness. I think we all have struggled with fighting that spirit at some point or another in our lives. In fact, some of you that are reading this may be struggling with it RIGHT NOW. Your prayer life and time spent in God's word, if it exists at all, is routine and dry. If you drag yourself out of bed on Sunday morning to go to church, you go just to say that you went. You attend the service out of habit. You're so busy with the "rat race of life" that the thought of using the gifts that God has given you for His advancement..to bless other people..ect. is unimaginable. You're "too tired" to pray at night..."too tired" to read the Bible..."too busy" to go to church.."too busy" to have a relationship..."too caught up in the NOW" that you push it all off until tomorrow. Your mind is fleeting, and all you can envision is that nap that you can't wait to take when you get off of work. And then your thoughts. Ahhh your thoughts. The Bible says as a man thinketh, so is he. So what is another thing that happens when you are spiritually lazy? Well the devil gets a hold of your thoughts! Because he knows that if he can make you believe something, then you won't get anything done..& God won't be able to do what He wants to do in your life.

SO "you have to kill this spirit of procrastination..because the spirit of procrastination is the assassination of progress," as Pastor J says.

So I will ask you again...WHAT IS DRIVING YOU? Is it money? Fame? Is it popularity? Is it power? Is it having the best car..the hottest purse..the most coveted shoes...the fanciest house on the block? WHAT IS IT? God has given you another chance to make things right in your life by giving you the year 2012. So why not make a change today? Because you might not make it to tomorrow! And last time I checked..you can't take an iPad, a Range Rover, a Louis Vuitton purse, Christian Louboutin red bottom shoes, a Michael Kors watch, or anything else that is "in" on this earth...TO HEAVEN!

LET THE CHURCH SAY AMEN. Okay..so now that my sermon is over. hahaha. I will fill you in on the happenings of my life. If. you. care.

I had promised that I would get better about blogging, but the holidays were upon me and I fell off a bit. So sorry. Actually, I'm not..because I loved my holidays and time off from work. But anyway! Okay so..in a nutshell..here were my holidays/events leadings up to them:

Thanksgiving: I cooked my first ever Thanksgiving feast! That's right..this girl right here made a turkey ALL BY MYSELF!!!


I also made the cornbread for the dressing..pumpkin pie from scratch...pumpkin roll..cherry cobbler..green bean casserole..ect. When my mom, sisters, and boyfriend got here..there wasn't much preparation that needed to be done in the kitchen because I had done most of it. I'm not going to lie..I was super proud. FIST PUMP! But hey..I will say this. PROPS out to all you people who host Thanksgivings at your house year after year. Because it is a lot of work. AND A LOT OF MONEY. I don't think I have ever bought that many food items at the store at one time before...ever in my life. I felt like I was feeding an army. Okay so not really...but kind of. Anyway...I had a lot of fun with my family & boyfriend. He drove all the way to Houston with them in the car..& also my mom's dog Peanut came along. It was a good time had by all.

Early December: One of my good friends from college came to the H to visit! Rosabel! We had so much fun together..she is such a ray of sunshine. We went to dinner, did Christmas shopping for our boyfriends & watched some girlie chick flickie movies & caught up with each other. It was so much fun to see her! Love her!


Right before Christmas: I had a sleepover with some of the best girls ever! More good friends from college! Monica, Kelly, Sara, & Cara! We went to dinner & another super awesome girlfriend from college..Kayli.. came along for the dinner portion. So fun! Then afterwards, the group minus Kayli came back to my house & we made Christmas cookies, listened to Christmas music, & caught up. I am so blessed to know such awesome Christian women. Love them! *I don't have a picture from that night..the one picture I did have was on my phone before it decided to reset itself & I therefore lost it...so here is another picture instead..with those girls in it :)**


Christmas: I flew to Amarillo to see my boyfriend..& then we spent time with his family.

As soon as the clock struck midnight signaling that it was now CHRISTMAS DAY, me and Marlon exchanged our Christmas presents with each other. We were like litle kids. Or maybe it was just me. I seriously couldn't wait for him to open up my presents! I have found that the older I have gotten, the more excited I am for OTHER PEOPLE to see what I got them..rather than actually receiving something myself. It's so much fun! My man hooked me up & did a dang good job on my gifts. Love him. And he really liked all the gifts that I got him, too. Christmas day it was snowing in Amarillo.

We didn't let that stop us though. We got on the road & drove down to Tahoka to spend time with my mom, grandma, sisters, and uncle.






It was good to see them & exchange gifts with them also. I love my family.

The next day, me and Marlon were on the road making the long drive back to Houston. Seriously it is the longest drive ever. Don't believe me? Try it. It's horrible.

Marlon stayed with me all the way until January 2nd. What a sweetheart. :) I had to have a gynecological surgery on December 28th. It was an outpatient surgery..so I wasn't there long..but apparently I was there long enough to rack up $11,900 in hospital expenses. Good thing I have insurance? Except..I still had to pay $1100 out of pocket to meet my deductible..& then after that my insurance is 80/20 (if you don't know what that means..that means that my insurance pays 80% & I pay the remaining 20% until I meet my out of pocket maximum of $3000..at which point the insurance would cover me fully). SO basically I am still gonna have to pay some more moolah after already paying $1100. Ridic. This was my first surgery ever before in life..so I was quite shocked about how problematic ($$$) the health care system really is. If you weren't born with a silver spoon in your mouth or don't have a mommy & daddy to foot your bill..then you're stuck paying it..or you just don't get the surgery/procedure done..or you do but are left with 1923419234192349123491234 dollars in debt. Yet people in America get ticked off when a president tries to come in & make the system better. Sorry people..but what we have isn't working that great..so SOMETHING has to change. Don't know what the answer is or if there ever will be one..but I find something wrong with the U.S. scoring lower than other countries when it comes to access to health care. (Don't believe me? Look it up!)

I don't like to put people's business all "out on the street," but I just have to take a moment to brag about my amazing boyfriend. He is a SELF-LESS individual. So kind hearted, sweet spirited, God fearing. He is always thinking about other people. Every single person that I have met that knows him..whether its his family, friends, or people from his church..all have nothing but POSITIVE things to say about him. And everyone who has met him..loves him. He is like a magnet; people are attracted to his positivity, optimism, bubbly personality, and the God filled life that he leads. I remember when I first woke up from my surgery, looking a hot mess, all frazzled and confused still from the anesthesia. Here I'll post a picture:





Not to be graphic, but when I woke up from surgery, I was naked underneath my hospital gown with only a pad in between my legs. I had to be there super early that morning for the surgery..so I didn't have makeup on...and, to be honest, I don't even think I brushed my hair. In fact, I'm sure of it. haha.

So as I lay there..fluttering my eyes open, trying to figure out why I have a diaper thing underneath me...you know what he told me at that very moment? He told me I was beautiful. Now, I know that may seem small..but that sticks with me. Why you ask? Because THAT is a man that will stay by me through the good, the bad, & the ugly...when I am at my BEST and I am at my WORST. A man who will love me whether I am 10lbs heavier than I am now..or 10lbs smaller. A man who is attracted to my INNER spirit as well as my outside apperance. It's amazing because that is exactly what I prayed for so long ago, among many things. I prayed that God would bring me a future husband that was the epitome of a Bible Christian husband..someone who would love me like Christ loved the church..unconditionally...someone who would love me when I am puking over the toilet & instead of being grossed out, would instead, pull my hair back. Someone who would always be there and have my best interest in mind. And someone who would love God more than they love "this moment" and therefore would stand WITH me in my decision to choose to wait until marriage to bring sex into our relationship. Someone who is MARLON. All I can say is I am THANKFUL. GRATEFUL. AND IN CONSTANT AWE OF OUR LORD AND SAVIOR. For He has truly blessed me!

Alright...so I am getting off of my Marlon soapbox now. And onto the last holiday we celebrated...New years!

New years eve was our one year anniversary. Pretty big deal in my book. And in his. We had a nice, delicious, romantical dinner




& went out to Kemah Boardwalk which is on Galveston bay..afterwards.

It was nice. But when all of the bad kids started showing up and it started getting crowded, we had to bounce. So we went back to my house, and toasted to some Apple Cider at midnight..before soon falling asleep.




Recovery wise..I needed a few days before I felt okay. Although that whole first week was pretty not-so-fun. I am so thankful that he was there with me during that time. I think it's times like those..when you are at your lowest point, that God reveals the people in your life that are always in your court...always on your side...people who have your best interest in mind. Now..lets note that not EVERYONE who you call "your friend" is FOR you. Jesus had people that were following him..that weren't FOR Him either. So lets just say..in more ways than one...that the people who really care about me...made themselves known during that time. I also received the sweetest card from a dear sweet woman that I admire very much. She is such a strong Christian Proverbs type woman. I won't name names..but SHE knows who she is! Thank you for being a role model to me & helping bring me to Christ as a small child. You helped to plant the seed of faith in my heart..& now look where I am now! And thank you to everyone else who is always there for me..through the good & the bad. God has blessed me with some pretty awesome people here on earth who love & care about me. So thankful!

While I am on this subject..as a sidebar...I want to just say that I hate texting sometimes. I mean..I love the convenience of it..but I hate the impersonal-ness of it all. Though I appreciate receiving a text from someone than nothing at all...I think a phone call is much better. Reading a text that says "hope you feel better" versus actually hearing someone call you up & tell you..or receiving a heart felt card..is totally different. And it speaks volumes. Just something to keep in mind in the future. I am guilty of it, too. But this year..I vow to be better...to DO better. PICK up the phone & call your loved ones, people. You never know when someone's last day on earth will be. Don't say you don't have time; you DO. You have time for the things that you want to make time for. You had time to log on facebook & read my blog didn't you? ;) ;) ;)

I start back to school on Tuesday. I am not exactly thrilled about it..but then again I am because it's my last semester!!! I can't say it's my last one forever though..because one day I may decide to go back to school & get my PhD. But for now, IT IS MY LAST SEMESTER. I graduate May 19th with my Masters degree in Criminology..so mark your calendars :) It has been a long, trying journey..but God has seen me through & the light is at the end of the tunnel. I am almost done!

That's all I've got. Until next time!

Be well. Be blessed.Kyndra

"Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle..."

Well...it's that time of year again!!! The holidays are upon us! I was kind of sad that I wasn't going to be going home for Thanksgiving this year..for the second year in a row. However, my sweet man decided he would come down here & spend the holiday with me...& he is also bringing my mom & sisters! So they are all riding down here together! So that means that I am hosting Thanksgiving!!! Eeeeekkk! That doesn't even sound right...or possible..that I am old enough to have Thanksgiving at my house. Weird. I am getting old! lol I am excited to see everyone though - it should be a lot of fun :) I bought the turkey last weekend and, mind you, this was my first turkey to ever buy..in life. I went into the store, decided I wouldn't need a basket (because I am a muscle woman..ha..pssh..yeah), looked at the turkeys, got one that I thought was sufficient..and picked it up. Holy moly those things are heavy!!! Jeez! Either that or I am just out of shape. Maybe the latter. ha. My job gave us turkey bucks..so we didn't even have to pay for our turkeys..pretty cool. Hauling that sucker up 3 flights of stairs to my apartment=no bueno. Anyway..this weekend I am going to go shopping for all the stuff that I will need because I do NOT want to wait until the week of..because the grocery store will be out of a lot of things by then! That happened to me last year when I wanted to make green bean casserole and thus needed cream of mushroom soup...couldn't find it anywhere!

In other news...I put up my Christmas tree! I decided I didn't want to wait any longer (besides whoever made the rule that you shouldn't put your Christmas tree up until after Thanksgiving was a bah-hum-bugger) :) I didn't have a tree before..so I went & bought one last night..along with all of the ornaments, tree skirt, bows, ect. I was going to wait until this weekend to put it up, but I hate clutter and boxes and sacks just sitting around my house..so I decided to go ahead with it. I'm so glad I did..it looks so pretty :) Still not done with it yet..but will be this weekend!

So more about me...umm lets see. Well..same ole same ole..work/school. I am finishing up this semester though..& then I only have one more semester left til I graduate! Hip hip hooray! Also, I have been mentoring for the Crossroads program at the Seabrook Youth Village..which is a juvenile facility. Their behavioral program targets personal responsibility, appropriate expression of anger, positive decision-making, leadership and, ultimately, self-management of one’s own behavior. It has been an interesting and trying experience so far..but I sincerely hope and pray that I am making a difference in the life of the young lady that I am mentoring. I will probably never know if I am making a difference...or ever see it. I know there have been plenty of instrumental teachers and other people in my life that have really made an impression upon me..but at the time I didn't know it or didn't appreciate it..until many years later. I hope that I leave a lasting mark on her life..in a very positive way. I hope that she makes a change.

On a different note, it seems like everywhere I turn or look..there is something heartbreaking going on with someone. So many tragedies. So many people with cancer. So many other diseases or sicknesses. So many crimes. So many marriages that are ending in divorce. In fact, in regards to marriage, it seems like the motto of the WORLD these days is I'll love you until I don't. Shameful. So much broken-ness. So much destruction. So much hurt. Reminds me of two quotes though. The first one is, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle."

and the second one is this:

"If the times are indeed as bad as we say they are... if the darkness in our world is growing heavier by the moment... if we are facing spiritual battles right in our own homes and churches... then we are foolish not to turn to the One who supplies unlimited grace and power. He is our only source. We are crazy to ignore him."

Did you just read that? Yup..despite all that is going on in this lost and fallen world, there is always hope for those who trust in the finished work of Christ. No situation and trial you face will ever be stronger than the blood of Christ that was shed for you. You always have a future in Him. Sadly, though, many believers accept the lies of the enemy when a crisis hits..or when things don't go their way...instead of holding on in faith.

It's funny because when I look back at certain chapters of my life...and the things that I have gone through..I remember exactly what I was thinking at that very moment. In some cases, I was pretty certain that God was just "out to get me..." ..or that "He was punishing me.." or that He wasn't with me at all. But now I realize that those were lies straight from the devil. God was actually with me the entire time..holding my hand when I was about to fall over...or carrying me on his back when I couldn't stand anymore. It's like that poem called "Footprints." I'm sure you have all heard it..but if you haven't...here it is:

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.

This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.

So I said to the Lord,
"You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during
the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one
set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
you have not been there for me?"

The Lord replied,
"The times when you have
seen only one set of footprints,
is when I carried you."
Mary Stevenson

The Apostle Paul tells us in Romans 12:12, “Be joyful in hope , patient in affliction, faithful in prayer”. In every battle you must be joyful, patient and faithful knowing without a doubt that God is not going to fail you. You are never alone. For some of you..your storm may be raging right now. And if it's not..then you probably know someone around you who is really going through it. Pray for them. Love them. And..be nice to everyone..because you just never know!

Have a blessed weekend!

Kyndra

Doubt, doubt...throw it OUT!

Okay y'all...so I don't like to get all preachy-preachy..but I wanted to share a little tidbit of the WORD I received this morning that has truly blessed me!!! And if something blesses me..I want it to bless someone else...so keep reading! This was too good NOT to share! Before I begin, however, please read the following passage from the Bible. It is found in John Chapter 20:19-27. I am including the NIV version below.

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On the evening of that first day of the week, when the disciples were together, with the doors locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!"

After he said this, he showed them his hands and side. The disciples were overjoyed when they saw the Lord.

Again Jesus said, "Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you."
And with that he breathed on them and said, "Receive the Holy Spirit.

Now Thomas (called Didymus), one of the Twelve, was not with the disciples when Jesus came.

So the other disciples told him, "We have seen the Lord!" But he said to them, "Unless I see the nail marks in his hands and put my finger where the nails were, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe it.

A week later his disciples were in the house again, and Thomas was with them. Though the doors were locked, Jesus came and stood among them and said, "Peace be with you!

Then he said to Thomas, "Put your finger here; see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it into my side. Stop doubting and believe."
********************************************************

How many of y'all can relate to Thomas? I'm sure we have all been doubtful people at times --I know I have! And that goes for anything. Doubtful that you will get that new job. Doubtful that your circumstances will ever change. Doubtful that you will ever get married or find Mr./Mrs. Right. Doubt about God in general. ect. The spirit of doubt is everywhere!

In fact, this morning, Pastor J said that many people in the house of God have what is called "senses faith." Senses faith is when you believe only through your senses; that is if you can't touch it,see it, feel it, or smell it, then you discount it as truth and are doubtful that it will come to pass. Now, senses faith is based upon fact; and facts are connected to intellect. Based on scholarship and intellect, there are some things that you just WON'T allow in your brain because it defies all of your academic training..because you have been taught that 1+1=2. So if something happens to defy that logic and you cannot rationalize it, then you discount it as NOT being the truth. The problem with doing that though..and the problem with these types of people, is that they don't have faith beyond the fact. You have to get to the place where you have faith beyond the facts. So although the FACTS may say that you can't get that job..that you have cancer or some other illness...that you are single...ect..your FAITH should say otherwise. Your faith says that no matter how bad things get, you are not going to be in that situation forever. So when something happens, you should tell the doubters around you: "I know what the facts say, but I am going with God because all I need is an INCH of possibility."

As we see from the scripture, Thomas was permitted to put his finger into Jesus' wounds for the curing of his doubts. Have you ever wished that you could do something like that? Perhaps you are in a situation and you wish that God would just appear to you once...right now..just so you can see..be reaffirmed..and reassured. You even say to yourself...Oh if the Lord Jesus would just let me see him once...or if I could only speak to him once...how confirmed I would be!

In this story..all the disciples were there except Thomas. They all saw Jesus and were ranting and raving about it to Thomas...but Thomas was NOT tryin to hear it! Thomas was probably thinking..uhh..yeah right. How in the HECK did Jesus just come in here..without a key..and wasn't he supposed to be dead already? Yeah right..this doesn't make a bit of sense! Not buyin it!

However, Thomas was fortunate that his doubts were cured eventually by him being able to actually SEE Jesus..and touch his wounds as he wanted. But as you see from the scripture, Jesus was basically like "umm dude...how much more do I have to DO to get you to believe me? I mean..enough is enough! Just believe already! I mean dang!"

Think about that in regards to your own life. What are you doubting? What are you having trouble believing? Maybe there is something you have been praying for..and God hasn't given it to you yet. Have you wondered why? Do you also have doubt in your heart? Like..maybe you are praying...but at the same time you are thinking "pssshh yeah right God..you can't cure me..you can't REALLY take this out of my life...you can't REALLY move this mountain...you can't REALLY get me that job, I mean after all..I am under-qualified! You only did miracle type stuff in the Bible days...you don't do those types of miracles now!"

LIES LIES LIES!

Doubting delays manifestation. In other words..doubt keeps your blessings from happening! Because Thomas refused to believe until he SAW, he didn't get the same thing that the other disciples got.

Pfff...who are we to give God ultimatums anyway? Hasn't He already done enough? Throw away that junk science book in your hand..I don't care what chemical equation equals what...God can blow that equation right out of the water!!!

"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Hebrews 11:1

Bottom line: Quit seeing life as it is and start seeing life as it can be! Eliminate the spirit of doubt from your life!

Hope you guys have a wonderful week! Be well..be blessed!
~Kyn

Back at it

Hello everyone! It has been forever and a day since I have updated this blog. To be exact, it has been almost a year! It's crazy/cool to go back and read my blogs and see what all I have been through and just how far I have come. When I first started this thing, I was still in law school in Lubbock! And now..here I am, living in Houston, working and going to grad school. Who knew? All I can say is that God isn't finished yet! I may not be who I need to be just yet, but I thank God that I am not who I USED to be!

This blog will be super short and to the point since I am returning from a hiatus :) Just a little update as to what is going on with me as of lately. Currently, I just finished registering for my LAST semester of graduate school! Yup - you heard that right..my LAST one. I feel like I have been in school forever because, well...I kind of have. After I graduated high school, I went right to college, graduated in May of 2008, started law school in July of 2008, quit law school in February 2010, started graduate school in August 2010, and umm...I'm so ready to be DONE! Hallelujah praise Jesus that I almost AM now! It's been a long time coming..and a rough road for sure...but God has seen me through and I am almost there now. As a matter of fact, I graduate on May 19, 2012 -- so mark your calendars :)

Last weekend, I got to witness a beautiful thing...the marriage of one of my very best friends--Monica to her love, Carlos! Loved every second of it. It was such a beautiful wedding, and I was honored to be apart of it. And it was a mini college reunion with all of my good friends from college!!! It was so good to see everyone and pick up where we left off! I also got to see my grandma and Morris. Marlon got to meet everyone, too, and we had a blast! And speaking of weddings...one of my best guy friends just popped the Q to his girlfriend on Thursday. They have asked me to be apart of their wedding which will likely be next year. So excited!!!!! I am becoming a professional! Seriously y'all. I'm gonna have to start charging. lol jk. But really...I have been a bridesmaid six times now. I used to say third times a charm..but maybe it's lucky number 7. Maybe the 7th wedding that I am in will be my own. Hey - ya never know! A girl can dream! :) On that note, let me just mention..that my boyfriend is FABULOUS! He is my best friend, my rock, my support, my love. He leads by example, and he challenges me to be a better person every day. He walks with me in Christ and encourages me in my relationship with Him. He makes me a better me. Life is sweeter with him in it. And that's how it should be, ladies! I used to think that I would have to settle..that I would have to lower my standards. But nope. Not at all. God has always known the desires of my heart..and by seeking Him more and more, my desires began to match up with His will for my life. I finally let God write my love story instead of trying to write it myself. And if you are like I used to be, always trying to do things YOURSELF and write your own stories because you are impatient and aren't trying to hear God or wait on Him, then STOP IT. Because you are only bringing yourself unnecessary heartbreak. Become a better you..and pray for your future spouse. When God thinks you are ready..He will bring that person to you. But do as the Bible says...WAIT ON THE LORD!!! I did - and now here I am..nearing a year with Marlon. My how time flies!

I am really looking forward to the holidays despite the fact that I am not going home for Thanksgiving for the second year in a row. I am sad about that, but on the upside, I am definitely going home for Christmas! Those plane tickets from Houston to Lubbock are expensive..jeessshh! I have to get a minor outpatient surgical procedure done in December (not necessary for me to go into detail on my blog..) but if it wasn't for me having to pay a $1200 deductible for it, then going home for Turkey day wouldn't be a problem! I could have driven..but that is such a long drive to make alone..especially as a woman. SO my man is coming here! And I am cooking a full fledged Thanksgiving meal for just the 2 us! Should be pretty fun.

Well, I am getting very sleepy..and I feel like I am just rambling anyways. SO stay tuned for future blog posts. For now, though, I am gonna crash! Gotta get up for church in the AM! Don't forget to set your clocks back an hour!

Blessings,
Kyn

"Failure is the tuition you pay for success."

Jesus take the wheel
Take it from my hands
Cause I can't do this on my own
I'm letting go
So give me one more chance
Save me from this road I'm on
Jesus take the wheel

I think those lyrics summarize what I am going through at this period in my life.

It’s funny. It seems like just when things couldn’t possibly get worse, they do. Just when I think I have set my expectations in life, the unexpected happens. Whether storms in life come out of nowhere, or I saw them coming all along, life is a struggle. And as humans, we struggle to hold onto our faith. We want to see things happen and happen now! The irony of it all is that often God is doing His greatest work in us when we cannot see anything happening. We pray and things may even get worse. Has God forgotten about us? NO. He is doing a deeper work in our hearts. The testing of our faith is producing patience.

Sometimes I look at other people’s lives & the things that they are going through & think to myself, “wow, they have it easy.” Or “how come everything always works out great for them, but not for me?” Or “Why is it that this person was successful in that, but I’m not?” But then I realize that I cannot compare myself to others. The Bible says that it is foolish to do so. I have no idea what kinds of trials, tribulations, or turmoil other people are going through behind closed doors. It is not my job to judge or compare either. My life has a plan & a purpose. I have to remind myself that God made this plan specifically for KYNDRA, & it is KYNDRA’S job to work that plan out for herself. I know this. But sometimes as a human it’s so hard not to compare.

I have been through so much. Probably more than your average twenty-three year old. Most people would probably never even guess! There have been so many times in my life where I have thought I knew exactly what God was going to do, where He was going to take me, & how He was going to get me there. Then suddenly when all those plans go haywire, my first reaction is to say “Hey lord, I thought we had this all worked out on how this is going to be.” It’s times like those when I have to realize that sometimes the things that I want for my life, are not what God wants or what God thinks I need. The same Lord who gave me life, who gave me rebirth when I was nine years old, that same Lord will also never leave me or forsake me. He does not intend to harm me. His plans for me are bigger than I could ever imagine or dream up for myself.

However, even with all of that said...it seems that the hardest time to follow Jesus is when you are successful & when everything is going seemingly perfect in your life. Because when things are going great & things work out, then it’s easy for me to say gosh life’s good! And that’s when I’m most vulnerable. I need Jesus all the time. Not just when I am bottomed out. That’s when it is easy to follow Jesus because you don’t have anywhere else to turn. Jesus is always there. Always listening. Always loving. Always forgiving. He is there beside me with every step. In fact, at times, He’s leading me, at others He’s walking with me, and often He’s carrying me. The love that I have searched for, for so long in others, is found in Him & only in Him. I think that sometimes in life we have to experience certain hardships because those push us into a place where we cannot lean on anything else but God…unless we want to be absolutely miserably alone.

Proverbs 3:5-6 says “Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.”

I was doing some thinking tonight, & I think God is telling me that He wants me to trust in Him with my whole heart because lately, I have been leaning on my own understanding. And, after crying & pouting & moping…I realized a few things. I realized that I need to surrender my heart to the Lord. All of it. The only way my crushed heart can be mended is if He has all of the pieces. I also realized that wherever it is that God puts me or places me in life, my real job is not to be a lawyer or anything else. My job is to somehow be that person God has created me to be & to have influence on the world where He has placed me—doesn’t matter where that is. He not only knows the beginning, He knows the ending, & He knows every step in between. He is going to take me through the paths I may not have chosen, but they are the only paths that make sense & will get me safely to the finish line. I must have a confident assurance that God is in control...not the people in my life…but GOD. He is overseeing every aspect of my life right now. I have to trust that the trial that He has allowed in my life is because He has found a purpose in it, & it is for GOOD. Through my human reasoning I cannot make sense of it, but everything looks different from God’s perspective, & I have to trust that He knows what He is doing.

SO..instead of sitting around feeling sorry for myself..I need to glorify God. I think how you respond to failure, & disappointment, says a lot more than how you do in successes. God has taken some unexpected things in my life over & over & has really tried to find out if I was going to stay with Him or get to the point where I will say “Whoa whoa, time out, this is too much, I’m going to go my own way.” The hardest thing in life is when you have an idea of how things are going to go, what you hope for, what you dream about, what you pray for, & it doesn’t come through. That’s when it’s easy to get disappointed with God or question God. And although I don’t get why I am having to go through all this..I have faith. As God said to Joshua, "Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." I know in my heart that God knows what is best for my life. And since I trust in God, I know that failure is never forever.