Tell me a story of who you are, and see who I am in the stories I am living...

I have always been an avid journal writer and myspace blogger. However, I realize that not everyone has myspace, and further, I sometimes get tired of handwriting in a spiral notebook altogether. For the foregoing reasons (wow...I'm not in law school at ALL! ha), I decided, why not make a blogspot? I will use this to keep all of my readers up to date with the daily happenings in my life, the good, the bad, the ugly, the tears, the joy, the excitement, the disappointment, the trials and tribulations, and the moments of success. This is my story. This is my journey. This is chapter ONE of the new storybook of my life.

I wanted to share a poem that I wrote a few months ago, but in order to properly introduce it, I feel like maybe I should share my thoughts/feelings a few months ago first. Here goes:

Almost three and a half months ago. Three and a half months ago where was I? I do believe that I was in a puddle on the floor crying my eyes out, or at least in a room by myself trying to control my emotions enough to not cry. It was around Christmas time..and what did I have to be thankful or grateful for? I felt like nothing. I felt like my life was falling apart around me, and I didn’t know how I was going to survive. My heart literally felt like it had been ripped from my chest, stomped on, and torn into pieces. I felt like I had nothing left to give. I was angry. Angry at myself, angry at the boy who did this to me, angry at God even a little. I was angry at everyone who tried to help me, angry at everyone who told me it was for the best, and angry at anyone who told me that things would all work out eventually..that this was just a “rough bump” in the road in my life. I didn’t want to hear what anyone had to say, and I certainly didn’t want to talk to God. I felt like I had talked to Him enough already. I had been praying for months that God would bless my relationship with this boy, that things would all work out. I just wanted things to go back to the way that they used to be, the way I was used to knowing them and having them. After the breakup happened, I sat in solitude…thinking to myself, questioning myself, and demanding answers from God. I cried to Him. And then I realized something. God is not going to bless a relationship that He doesn’t want you to be in. And He didn’t bless this one. Things just got harder and harder and I cried more and more as time went on. Finally come December, I found out a lot of things, things that I did not necessarily want to hear, but needed to. God answers prayers..and boy do I know that. I prayed that God would show me if this boy was the one for me. And He did. He showed me the opposite of what my mind wanted. I think my heart knew deep down inside that it was over, that this just wasn’t going to work out in the long run, but my mind, oh my mind did NOT want to believe it or accept it! Until God showed me.


Here is the poem I wrote in the weeks following the break-up:

She looks longingly in the mirror

Waiting on another reflection behind her

To tell her that she is beautiful

To hold her and tell her how worthy she is

Worthy of love, because she does deserve it

Worthy of happiness, because she has waited so long

And yet, every so often it seems

As though she sees a shadow of doubt

A small seed of hope perhaps?

A glance, a stare, an innocent smile?

Maybe even more if it’s her lucky day

But even so, she is never alone

She knows this and yearns to listen

As God wipes a tear from her cheek

And fills her heart with His presence and grace

Whispering in her ear, He says,

“Wait my child. Today is not your day.”

In all of her impatience and selfishness

This answer is not enough.

“But how will I find him?” says she.

“You won’t,” says God.

“I will bring him to you, when you are ready.”

****

That poem could not be anymore true. God will bring him to you when you are ready, girls! Until then, just focus on God, & everything else will fall into place! It all comes down to a little notion called...trust. Trust in Him, ladies...AND gents.