"You never see the hard days in a photo album... but those are the ones that get you from one happy snapshot to the next..."

Have you ever had a day that you wish you could permanently eradicate from your memory? You know, one of those unbelievably bad experiences you keep hoping is a bad dream that you're going to wake up from any blissful second? I hate those days! But I guess only time can cure that one.

I was sick all week with a sinus infection/horrible cold. I thought I was getting better, & then last night I started feeling like crud again. Hopefully I get over this completely SOON because I sure would hate to get the flu! My sister is pretty sick still, too, ugh!

Texas Tech plays Texas today. I wish I was in Austin today..I really do. But alas..I am stuck in Lubbsuck! Oh well, I have plenty of places to go today. One of my friends is having a bbq for his bday, and a bunch of my friends are meeting somewhere to eat & watch the game. So I’ll prolly do that. Then afterwards I may go out. Lord knows I need to go out & just have fun. I have too many things racing through my mind..& I am feeling the need to do some drinking. Actually, I'm feeling the need to do some crying, but my tear ducts seem to be too proud, so I am going to do some drinking instead. ha.

I do have some things on my mind that I wanna talk about, though. For starters, I’ll begin with this quote, from one of my fav shows ever…Sex & the City.
“Maybe mistakes are what make our fate... without them what would shape our lives? Maybe if we had never veered off course we wouldn't fall in love, have babies, or be who we are. After all, things change, so do cities, people come into your life and they go. But it's comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart... and if you're very lucky, a plane ride away”

Love it! So anyways, that’s so true. No one is perfect, but sometimes the mistakes that we make end up doing us some good because things work out in a way that we would have never had work out if those mistakes hadn’t happened! Crazy how that works. When I look back at my own life, for example, I had no idea I would be where I am today. However, it was because of those roads that I took & those choices that I made (that weren’t so smart at the time) that end up being the best decisions I ever made or best life lessons ever learned!

Next, lets talk a little bit about actions and reactions. I think one thing that is absolutely driving me nuts today plays upon one of my pet peeves: I hate when people think they KNOW me. By that, I mean I hate when people think they are inside of my body, know my exact feelings, exactly what’s racing through my mind, what I am thinking, ect. No one knows that except me…& God. I get so tired of people telling me how I feel or how I think on something when they don’t have the slightest clue! Sorry that I don’t always respond to things in the way that people hope/wish for, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t care or whatever emotion applies in that moment. I give the analogy of a funeral. So, I am not a big cry-er at funerals. Some people are. I, however, am not. But just because I go to a funeral & I DON’T cry…does that mean that I don’t care about the person who died? Does that mean that I don’t love them? Does that mean that my heart doesn’t ache for them or go out to their family? Does that mean that I’m not sad? Of course not! That would be silly! We all react to different things in different ways..especially when we are actively involved in other activities throughout the day at the same time. Another analogy: the fact that I don’t tell my dad that I love him..or show it. Does that mean that I absolutely hate him? Does that mean that I wish the absolute worse for him? Does that mean that if something happened to him tomorrow I wouldn't care? NO! Because at the end of the day he is still my dad, & of course regardless of what he does I am always going to love him. I have to..he's my dad. Third analogy: Attending an event (in this situation I will use my college graduation as an example). Does the fact that some people didn’t come to my college graduation mean they don’t care? What if I include the fact that they didn’t cry, clap, or scream for joy when I got my diploma? What about if I told you that when I opened up a graduation present from them, I didn’t jump for joy, I just had a solemn expression on my face & said “Thank you so much.” Does that mean I am not thankful? Of course not! Actions speak louder than words people! So just because I may react to something in a way that you didn’t think/expect, please don’t automatically assume my feelings/emotions. Because quite honestly..you don't know me! You don't know what I am thinking. You don't know how I feel. Besides all of that, it’s the biggest flawed argument ever! I know I am not the smartest cookie there is, but I took the LSAT (which is all based on logical reasoning & analytical stuff) & I can tell you this. Just because A+B=C does NOT mean you can take that same equation and say that A+D will get you to C (the conclusion). The premises do not equal to the deduction. Therefore, applying that same logical reasoning to real life…just because I don’t react a certain way does not mean that I am a certain emotion or that I feel a certain way, ect. So stoppppp assuming. It’s like today….I’m not very talkative & I’ve had 3 people ask me what’s wrong. Just because I don’t feel like talking one day doesn’t automatically mean that I hate the world or that I am angry or sad or whatever. Maybeeeee I just don’t have anything to say!!!! Whew. Okay. Done.

Next…umm. Job search. It’s so much fun. Not. The economy sucks & man..it really has put a damper on applying places. However, I am about to start helping out at the West Texas Public Defender’s Office on Capital Cases so that should be pretty cool. I’ll be seeing some pretty vulgar stuff, but it will be interesting nonetheless & will definitely help out my resume. Hopefully I can get an internship next summer with the FBI, a law firm, or a DA’s office somewhere. If not, I really think I am going to study abroad again.

It's so weird to think that in less than 2 years..I will be an attorney. It won't just be something to say anymore, but something that I will be DOING. I can still remember all those years ago when I was 11 years old sitting on my bed, looking at the ceiling, talking to God, & deciding in that moment that I wanted to be an attorney. I wanted to BE somebody. I wanted to do SOMETHING. I am so incredibly blessed that God has brought me on this journey & that I am living my dream! It's definitely not easy, & some days I feel as stupid as ever (especially in class when I get called on!), but I know that I wouldn't be here if I was stupid. I wouldn't have made it this far. (Flawed logic if I believed it!). I hope that I will get my fairy tale ending. I hope that one day I can have the whole American dream..the great career, loving husband, wonderful kids, & a nice home to top it off. Isn't that what everyone wants? Why do I some days feel like that will happen to me...& then other days feel like it's all just a dream? Only God knows the plan for my life, He knows who I am going to marry & share my life with. And He is & has continually shown me over the years that if I just put my trust in Him, everything will be okay. I gave God the pen to write my love story a long, long time ago, & like I always say, He is writing something bigger & better than I could ever imagine or dream up for myself. And I can't wait until I turn the page & get to find out.

Well I am off to do my homework & get some studying in. Talk to you later people.

P.S. thanks to all of my constant readers! I'm so glad that my blog helps you & that you enjoy reading it!